Love the form, the presentation. It lacks a little in imagery. If there is a connection between the two stanzas, I'm not seeing it too well; however, I do see where water, or the first stanza is moving downward and then in the opposite direction cripple men are moving upward. Like the style. Thank you for sharing.
Very nice. I can see the stream alive, living until it's final moments with the gulf. I like the "jumping off the cliff" line and the whole stanza associated with it. Excellent imagery there. The use of single word lines gave me plenty of pause to take in the liveliness of the poem. The only thing, and a small one, is the repetitiveness of "flowing". It works, but it's only a thought. Thank you for sharing.
I find your poem simple to the point. This is created through lack of imagery. You told us exactly what the weather was like, but you didn't show us. Readers know what you mean through their own experiences. Try working with words that will move our senses to see, feel, and hear through imagination. One good way to get started is by looking up synonyms. Overall you did well and I hope to see more from you. Keep up the good work.
Would be very nice words to hear and a good place to be to hear them. Your poem is short and simple to the point. Where it lacks in imagery it makes up for it in the heart.
I found your poem on:
Read a Newbie. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
Definitely drives home the impact on somebody who might be alone in this world, or at least feeling that way.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable):
I do not have any strong input on this. It is what it is in regards to how you presented it. The flow is well, but the repetition of some lines make for bit of regression (e.g. slowing the poem down).
Artistic Voice and Imagery:
You did decent here where they both come across solemn, though I would say the imagery was weaker.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
Since you punctuated with most of the poem, you would probably want to double check. Nothing noticeable to affect the flow.
Suggestions:
If it's possible, the second line would lend itself better to eye appeal if shortened. Try rewriting with less repetition. See if it presents itself just as well. Overall, I feel you did well. Thank you.
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