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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/edibleooolps
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Forbidden  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I think it would do you well to try and improve the flow of this piece, or at least in the first stanza it seems lacking. Sure, poetry doesn't need the flow, it can be disjointed, or whatever, but I think this could use to have more flow to it, to stay with the themes that you are presenting.
also (some edits):
You too WERE just as bad
Whom I claimed to never forget [also, whom you claimed you WOULD never forget, or vowed to never forget, you see what i am saying?]
But, you were the closest to provING me wrong
But, will I agree with what I'm saying

Also, also:
This poem is dedicated to the girl I loved
2
2
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
Fight v flight, too short to have the theme so at the surface. bury it, just a little bit, that is what poetry is.
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3
Rated: E | (2.0)
K here is the deelioliolio. Some of your lines equal good, very poetic. But, unless you are writing a self-help book, "happy" is a horrible word, worthless. Overused, and who even cares about happiness anyway? Instead of complaining that you are not happy , maybe you should write about whether happiness is the goal.
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Review of Easy Evangelism  
Rated: E | (1.0)
friggin' adds
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