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Review by ellis
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Overall, it is a story that grabs the reader from the beginning and holds them to the end. The plot is well done and the timing is good. Most of it is not very predictable which makes for good suspense and tension throughout the story. In terms of form and sequence there is very little I would change.

The only weaknesses I can find are a few grammatical erros. These, however, tend to glare. For instance, you write, "The one where we spent a blissful week in, hardly getting out of the bed?" This one may be a type ... did you mean "weekend"?

Again, you write, "I wrap a robe around me and head ..." It should read, "... robe around myself ..."

There are a few others. They are not overly distracting, but correcting them will make it a better piece.

Overall, this is a creative and vivid short story. Thanks for writing it.
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