*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/enfys
Review Requests: OFF
1 Public Reviews Given
1 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please tell me this isn't it. I really want to read more!

I think your description is brilliant. I especially loved your first paragraph - it really set the scene, and the descriptions of your characters are great as well. Not only do I know what they look like, but I really feel that I know them, even from such a short story.

I do like how the details of the world they live in and the action of the story unfold gradually.

I have one tiny problem - how do you pronounce 'Iehjoxu Kuyqoha', 'Hihofykm', and 'Koaxigealiaturgy' and what language are they in? It's really more of a bugbear than a problem, but I get irritated when authors string characters together rather than coming up with 'proper' names.

I did find a couple of specific 'errors':
- 'and green crystalline being', should probably be 'and a green...'
- 'he would have described as twinkled' doesn't quite sound right. I think it should be 'twinkling'

But other than that, I really love it. Please don't leave it there, I want to know what happens!
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/enfys