I look forward to reading
A Christmas Best
Evil Wind
and
Hogs n Hens
I have not written enough material to warrant the need for a thumb drive, but when I do, I'll make sure I don't lose it that easily.
Everytime I read any story of yours, I learn something about writing, and it's all good. Your flawless writing style is something to emulate. Thanks for sharing your talent to us here on WDC, especially to newbie writers like me.
Your awful experience with the law is extremely interesting. I'm sure your fans, me included, are all looking forward to reading more about it.
I feel like a proud parent. I saw the reviews on this item posted on the Reviewing page, and you've gotten some excellent reviews. I'm happy to be your mentor through the Angel Army's Adopt-A-Newbie Forum.
I'm not very good at rhymes and rhythm, that's why I write mainly free verse. I admire those who can write any poem that rhymes, and I thought you did a terrific job at it. Losing a father from the eruption of Mt. St. Helens -- and on his birhday even -- must have been quite a traumatizing experience. I've been through some tragic events in my life, and I know how difficult it is to lose a loved one, especially with the way your father died.
You write very well, with no mistakes that I can see; therefore, I have no suggestions for improvement.
My favorite part is the title: "From Ashes to Ashes." Excellent.
You say that this is the first of a series of poems about Mt. St. Helens. Well, I'm really looking forward to your next work.
By the way, since you like writing about Mt. St. Helens, you might want to pay writeartista a visit. She writes a lot of stories about volcanoes, particularly, Mt. Pinatubo in the Philippines. See "MOUNT PINATUBO"
Congratulations! I just saw where you've won First Place in the Angel Army's Newbie Writing Contest for your entry:
"I -- Someday, She'll Forget Who I Am" , which I have read and reviewed. It is absolutely deserving of the award.
I just read this piece--your second post in a series of short stories about Alzheimer's disease and your Aunt Sarah. Another well-written story full of real emotions; very dramatic without being overly dramatic, which I like. One can be tempted to pour the melodramatic descriptions, but you almost consciously avoid that. For instance, this part when you told your Aunt Sarah jokingly that she could get cancer from too much exposure to sun.
Aunt Sarah’s eyes sparkled with grim delight. “Wouldn’t that be great,” she exclaimed. “Death would be far quicker than this disease that’s slowly eating away at my brain.” Her voice softened as she gazed at the horror that washed over my face. She leaned forward and cupped my face between her cold hands. “I’m sorry, my dear,” she said after kissing my on the forehead. “Sometimes I forget that this is hard on you too.” Her emerald eyes bore the original light I had grown to envy till Alzheimer’s caused them to fade into a dull and lifeless hue of green. Those famous eyes that used to absorb everything and miss nothing; they expressed wordless arguments, and dared any opponent to enter the window to her eyes and take a peek at the distant recesses of her mind to see what lurked there. BEAUTIFUL.
The ending almost made me cry. So sad, so sad.
I have to go back to the previous story to see if you have graduated from college, and when did you start becoming your aunt's full time caregiver. It's not clear here, although I think it's self explanatory. I'll get back to you on this.
Technically, as usual, I found no errors. Wonderful, wonderful job.
I know this is (only) a sig, with no narrative, no description, no dialogue; but it speaks volume; the message resonates the cruelty of a non-curable disease that kills slowly. The artwork, which suggests a representation of you and your aunt is very powerful. I have never seen the U.S. poastage stamp, but next time I go to the USPS, I will definitely buy some.
I've seen the public reviewing page populated by the group's sig, so I thought, hmm, maybe I can attract reviewers to my port if I joined such an active group with so many members. Sounds like a selfish reason, doesn't it? But please be assured that I reciprocate in kind for every R&R I receive. I want simply positive, yet honest reviews, because that's what I give. Therefore, if there's a room for one more member, I would like to fill that vacancy.
Thank you Sherri.
By the way, I checked out your portfolio, but I didn't see any item for review. I saw mostly c-notes and message forums. Do you have any fiction or nonfiction item for review?
You write well, and I like your writing style. You'll be seeing more of me.
I've never heard of a calm wind described as a brook. It cannot be seen; can only be heard, spreading calmness that passes through the vein, and a rippling torrent swelling against the chest. Wonderful!
Welcome to WDC; have you joined the Angel Army's Newbie Writing Group? It helped me a lot. Here's the link:
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #794817 by Not Available.
A totally enjoyable read. Loved the family atmosphere. It's not clear to me who all the five family members are, except for the old man. And exactly what did the stranger take a picture of? I suspected it's the family, and that it's the picture that's on the old frame that the old man didn't want anyone messing with. This is very well written with no errors noted.
This newbie is still hanging around your port, trying to learn as much as I can. Now that I've written and posted two poems, it's time to think about writing short fiction (no way am I considering writing anything longer).
I was wondering if I should write something for a contest such as this one. I think it would give me the incentive to take it seriously.
I note that last month's winner: "Invalid Item" turned his flash fiction into a novel, and that the movie is coming out next year. Is this true? Does it happen that fast?
I love it. It's great, it's entertaining. I couldn't wait to find out what other unfortunate event follows the last one. Well finally, in the end, it was a lucky penny indeed.
Well-written and engaging. I was sorry it was over when it ended. I wanted more
I will just go back to your port, and I look forward to reading more of your work.
I just read your bio block. How impressive. I'm pleased to get acquainted with a successful and accomplished writer. I could learn a lot from you, so I'm hanging around your port for a while.
(I am resending the review below because of a typo
Do you live in Southern California? I think the potentially active volcanoes are all located in Northern CA (Shasta, Lassen Peak, and two others I can't remember at this time). Although, there's really no guarantee that living on a dormant volcano is absolutely safe. There was a dormant volcano that erupted recently after for more than 2000 years.
Do you live in Southern California? I think the potentially active volcanoes are all located in Northern CA (Shasta, Lassen Peak, and two others I can't remember at this time). Although, there's really no guarantee that living on a dormat volcano is absolutely safe. There was a dormat volcano that erupted recently after for more than 2000 years.
I am returning the favor of your review and comments to my poem . You asked me to notify you once I've posted a new item, which I have. Please click on this link to take you there:"Literary Ambrosia" .
I admire your keen observation to your surroundings. I bet you never miss anything; constantly in tune to every little detail you see. How else could one describe everything so vividly? You took this reader with you during your walk, and listened to the wind with you.
I have a few suggestions, mostly about punctuation, as follows:
When you're describing the naked trees, the water in the drains running over the rotting multi-coloured leaves, I don't understand what you meant by "what a waste of the artist's brush."
--as they sit there, in their warmed officers, and ( no comma after 'there', and change 'officers' to 'offices')
The farm manager always shrugged his shoulders and said in a nonchalant voice. (change period to comma, and continue with the dialogue without paragraph)
The tree was a resting place, to many (delete comma)
--were so crazy I got, mesmerised trying to (delete comma)
When I stopped to observe them closed, (close)
The rain clouds had moved a little closer, and were getting darker in colour; (delete in colour)
just over a kilometre, from my house. (delete comma)
A very entertaining read. I look forward to reading more of your work, and to your review and comments about my second poem.
I am a newbie still learning how to navigate this site, but I have learned a lot from my mentor through the Angel Army's Adopt-A-Newbie Program. This forum is one of the very first that I've visited. I think, by participating in this activity, I'd be able to sharpen my reading skills; thereby improving my writing and reviewing skills as well.
I've read some of the posts, and there appears to be some enthusiastic participants here. I was so delighted to see that my mentor, ariana-bleh, is the winner of last month's contest. Congratulations, Ariana.
Write on.
Erlyn
(Please visit my port and read my first post:
This is a fantastic project. I just joined, so I don't even know anything about the Angel Army, but to me, who've been adopted minutes after I posted my request for adoption, you truly are angels.
As a newbie, I am groping in the dark in this part of the cyber space; therefore, I need a helping hand to guide me around so I don't get lost in space.
You have described to me what hell is to heaven. I don't know what you mean by "I died here," but I interpret that to mean death of the spirit because of depression. But then, can a depressed person really appreciate the beauty outside the confinement of her room seen only through a hole?
There's a lot more to this than meets the eye, I'm sure. You've done a very good job in engaging your reader.
Write on.
erlynbaya
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/erlynbaya
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 12:26pm on May 01, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
"
"