This is such a beautiful piece. The imagery, figurative language, and voice all do wonders to make this such a fantastic piece. I like the soft tone...like it is a whispered story. Sound plays such an important part of this story. There is really nothing to improve. Well done.
I am still making my way around the site. This might be one of the groups that I would like to join. I plan on doing some more exploring once I am out for summer holiday. The instructions are very clear. I love to read and review. I teach writing, so I do a good deal of reading and reviewing everyday.
Hello, nice to meet you. I am slowly making my way through the site, getting to know people. Congratulations on all of the novels. You are a very busy woman. I look forward to getting to know you better.
Great beginning. I got lost in the part where she put her legs around him and then he fell back on the bean bag, but she didn't have her legs wrapped around him anymore. How old are they? Valery seems young. I do like the visuals that I get of the two characters.
I love the last line "Eve messed up so Mary came. Adam messed up so Jesus came." The text seems to ramble quite a bit and I lost my train of thought as the reader. Your ideas and development are fantastic. You have some great ideas here. Yes, Mary was/is perfect. She is the role model that all women should strive for. I also like your assertion that man is a thinking animal...God planned it that way. He did create us to be dominant over the rest of the world. So where does that put conservationists? Are they still dominant or do they allow the dominated to become the head?
This poem has an interesting focus to it. Something of no use seems so disappointing. The development is quite engaging, while the tone and mood seem depressing. I think the word choice make be a bit vague thus causing the reader some confusion. Overall, good poetic devices are used.
Oh, I do so love this. I wish you would write a sequel. The whole idea is so interesting, and you have developed it so well. The word choice is good, perhaps it could be spruced up some.
Very much a stream of consciousness type piece. I like the soothing tone that you use. Your sentence structure is great. Where do you work? Have they finished the work yet? Perhaps you could have added more detail about what happened during the day.
Well that doesn't sound very helpful at all. He should have given you advice rather than cut your piece to bits like that. We are writers. It is our soul, our very being. Remember that there are those who only live to hurt others. Use what they tell you as a weapon to forge better writing. Be strong in the face of criticism. It will only make you stronger.
Extremely well written and personal. Your experiences as a woman have moved me. I applaud you for your candor. For the most part, it is well developed. I would like to hear more about your mother. I'm sure you have some great stories to tell about your relationships. Your sentences are a bit weak. Work on using a variety of sentence structures.
Yea for you. It is a daunting task to take care of ourselves. You sound like you have a fantastic head on your shoulder, and you have determination. Work is what it is. Like you, I feel it is important for making a living. Who I am is much more important. May God shine blessings down on you and yours.
Hello. I have read this twice. I teach middle school, so I tried to tackle it from both angles. The story idea is great. The therapy hook is a good one. I got a little confused in the dialogue part. I lost track of who was talking. The idea of Aiden being missing is good. Mom is too nonchalant about it assuming he's her son. Spice the missing part up some. You could take out the first line about getting up early.
This is such a fantastic idea for a poll. It is fun to see how traveled everyone is. I am an army brat. I was raised inside the fortress that is the United States army. I have lived on three continents and visited all of them. I'm always planning my next trip.
That is fantastic the way that you created the puzzle with the words. That was indeed quite clever of you. This is definitely a stream of consciousness piece with superb imagery. This is a good way to get over writer's block. Your idea is an excellent choice.
These tips are so fantastic that I am going to share them with my students. They can use these same tips when reading each other's writing during partner time. The bulleted points makes it so easy to read the advice. The advice is practical and timely.
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