k, so he goes back in time, right? Is he in his body, does anyone else know about this? the idea sounds interesting, this sort of story could easily be very stereotypical, but if done well it can work. I haven't read any of your other writing, so I don't how that will go, but anything can work if you spend enough time working it.
This was very sweet and well written. A beautiful poem, with great vocabulary. When I read this, I got the mental image that was being conveyed. easily. The commitment and passion are obvious, this is truly lovely. I am not usually a poetry person, but when I see a well done love poem I can't help myself. :)
Very nice story. There were a few places that could benefit from some more description, and in most cases, I would recommend taking away the parentheses. Your descriptive writing is very good and I hope you keep it up. If you work on this story a bit more, it can become a masterpiece. Best of luck, I can see that you are obviously capable of making this even better!
Beautiful story. The only thing that didn't really make sense to me was the part when she talked about him hunting her. That could use a little more description, explain what actually happened then. Besides that, the only thing I would recommend is livening up the vocabulary. e.g. instead of they both knew she wasn't going to make it- They could both feel her swaying between the blurring lines of life and death. Or something else that really grabs the reader's attention. Overall, I really liked the story. Keep up the good work.
Interesting story. Flows well. Would do well with a little more flow. The idea was good, but overall it seemed a bit choppy. With some work it could be an even better piece. maybe a bit more of the woman's reaction, sharpen up the ending so it had a bit more punch. The last line didn't really flow well, in my opinion. Overall, though it was well written.
I would say, to improve this, first improve character development. I didn't feel a real connection to any of the characters. Add in some more emotion, make the reader genuinely upset when the dragon changes everyone.That was the main thing for me. More minor things were: How did they know the man was from the government? The part about the big spider seemed a bit rushed. Might wanna draw it out, make some more suspense. Overall, fun idea, has a lot of potential. Nice work.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ethoria
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 9:46pm on Jun 01, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
