Hi Steve Something . This is a review from jadelette!
After reading "The Game of Willow Gate"  I have the following comments to offer, I hope you find them useful:

Overall Impression:
I think this is a good and very original idea for a short story. It is well written and fast paced, which keeps the reader engaged throughout. It makes very good use of the prompt, though it seems to suffer a little from being written to a strict word count.

Suggestions:
Please note that I am not a professional, so any comments or suggestions I offer are based solely on personal preference.

1) I think that this short story could be greatly improved if it is developed and extended in some places. I realise it was written to a strict 1000 word count and you have had to edit it it a lot from its original form to bring it in line with this. I would suggest restoring some of the parts that you cut out now that the contest is over. There are two things in particular that I would like to see developed:

- Firstly, I would like to know more about the characters. We find out next to nothing about the personality or background of either Dale or Bob Dolby. It would be great to know what sort of person Dale is and how he came to be sitting under the tree. I would like to see more description of his thoughts and feelings, as well as a little more information regarding his background. I think that this would improve the story by allowing the reader to feel more empathy towards him and more concern over his plight.

- Secondly, I want to know what the purpose of the metal bar handed to the main character by Bob Dolby is. It seems highly significant, as it is the only thing given to Dale and Bob tells him he may find it useful. However, it is never mentioned again after this. I have an idea that it is some sort of relay baton that is passed from one player of 'the game' to another, thereby freeing the former of any responsibility and ensnaring a new victim (namely the person it is handed to). I would like to know if I'm right and if it holds any other special powers or has any other uses!

2) In my opinion, your word choice is sometimes a little strange. This has the effect of either leaving the reader slightly confused or ruining the flow of the piece. I will list below specific examples of what I mean.

Dale chose not to struggle. Instead, he tried his best to remember what was now a far away memory.
I would change the wording here to say "what now seemed a far away memory". I suggest this, because it is apparent that the events described in the opening are supposed to happen soon after the main character passes through the Willow gate. I guess he is disoriented, so the events of the recent past seem distant, but it is not actually the case.

“There's no time for that now, all will be revealed soon enough!”

“I don't have time for this. What's your name anyway?”
The first line is spoken by Bob Dolby, the second is the reply made by Dale.
One problem with this is that the response echoes the initial statement. (i.e. There's no time for that now / I don't have time for this).
The second thing that seems strange about Dale's response is that his actions prior to the meeting suggest he has plenty of free time and is in no rush to do anything that day. In the first part of the story Dale seems to be taking a stroll past the Willow tree and on discovering the carvings, first stops to study them, then lies down to ponder and dream. These are not the actions of a busy man.
Perhaps he would respond with greater curiosity as to who B.D. is, where he came from or why he's so excited. 'I don't have time for this' is quite a dismissive response that suggests he wants B.D. to simply go away and he doesn't care about the mystery he personifies.

Almost immediately, as if being shaken away from a dream, Dale awoke. The sun was now hovering overhead
Here, again, I would change the wording to something like 'Seemingly almost immediately', as the information that the sun was now overhead tells us that in fact a few hours have passed since he closed his eyes.

Burning was in the air
This just seems an odd phrase. burning is a verb and can't really be in the air. Consider changing this to something like, 'the air seemed to be burning/the air around him burned'.

his back felt aflame. Dale jumped to his feet and began patting away the imaginary embers
Did he imagine flames or embers?
Also, 'patting away' seems too gentle an action. If I thought I was on fire I would be more likely to 'flail wildly and beat the flames' than pat at them.

Quickly crouching in lieu of the next assault they stopped and stared at each other.
'In lieu of' means instead of, consider revising this to 'in anticipation of'.

A stammer could hardly be had as an arrow plunked down into the satchel on the table.
This wording sounds a little strange. A stammer is not something we would normally say that someone 'had' unless we meant the speech impediment. (e.g. 'he had a stammer' means he always had trouble pronouncing the first sound in words). Consider revising this to say something like 'He barely had time to stammer before...', this would sound better considering you are using the term 'stammer' to mean a singular occurrence of someone stammering out of fear/confusion, rather than a speech impediment.


What I Like:
I like the idea behind the story. I think it is really interesting and has lots of potential to be developed.

jadelette

Hi Dawn Embers . This is a review from jadelette!
After reading "Leila"  I have the following comments to offer, I hope you find them useful:

Overall Impression:
I think this piece is very well written, full of detail and description that makes the scene almost tangible. The imagery is vivid, the characters complex, believable and well drawn. It is easy to empathise with both characters and you get a real feel for who they are, remarkable in such a brief scene. All in all a fantastically written piece.

Suggestions:
These suggestions are based solely on personal preference, please use them or disregard them as you wish. I'm not sure what the prompt for this contest was, so I apologise if I suggest a change that could not be made within the specified limitations.

This is very engaging writing from start to finish and you build up a real sense of tension and suspense. It feels as though it is building towards a twist, but the twist never comes. I wonder if more could be made of the ending, perhaps the change that comes over him could be described in more detail. What does he become that needs to hunt? How does he hunt? How does he take the light and what does it do to him? I'm left with so many questions, I want to know more! A sense of mystery is good and it is great to leave the reader wanting more, especially in a short scene like this. Consider just giving a little more information to make it really original though.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
I found no mistakes here.

What I Like:
I love the characterisation. My favourite line is "Tears start to fall down her cheeks but she doesn't make a sound."
This is such a simple detail, but it tells you so much about Leila. It tells us she is innocent and loves him purely, that she is deeply hurt by his words, but also that she is strong so she wont break down or become hysterical, she is understanding as she is listening despite her hurt, she is not given to unnecessary drama so she must be rational and logical as well as deeply feeling. Such a simple line, adds so much depth to her character.

I hope that you found this review useful. Happy New Year!

jadelette