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Public Reviews
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1
Review by Annabelle
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You have great feeling and emotion in this story.

I think that if you break it up into 3 or 4 paragraphs it will be easier to read. Also try varying the way you start you sentences. I noticed that many sentences at the beginning started with "I." Try rearranging the sentence structure to give them more variety without starting with "I." You can apply that through most of this story and will make a stronger piece of writing.

Keep up the great work, I really enjoyed reading this. :)
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2
Review of Amber  
Review by Annabelle
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Use quotation marks when people talk. (ex. "Goodness!")

When writing a question use a "?" at the end.

Keep a consistent tense throughout the story. (i.e. either write only in the past tense, or only in the present tense. It is distracting when you switch between them.)

Did Amber buy him whiskey or a desk the day she died? What is the significance of this? It doesn't really effect the story.

I like your concept. I think that if you revise it a few times and really try to hammer out the stupid little details you could have something profound. :)
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