I found that your story kept me interested throughout. If I was going to make some suggestions I think I have a couple. First. I think there should be some foreshadowing of both the Vicars being vampires and the towns people being werewolves. It should be very mild, but little nuggets that when the reader has finished they can think 'yes! I can see it now!'. The other suggestions would be in regard the town people sounding so very down home protestant Christian. I think Children of The Corn (Stephen King) did a great job in this area. The cannibal kids all came from a Christian background but had slipped into, and combined that with, paganism. You might could try something like that. It would be disturbing for sure. Lastly, I would suggest giving it another read or two and look for ways to help it flow from a stylistic standpoint. All in all interesting and solid idea for a short story. Thanks for the read.
I smiled during the reading and also immediately after. I am new to this forum and this is the first review I was going to write and I happen to be a Christian from rural Alabama. I think I have a few things I would say about this piece. First, the story itself works. I do like where we begin and where we end up. My only issue in this regard is when you transition from the victims mother to the murdered mother. It wasn't quit... obvious enough? Intense enough? I'm not sure how to express myself here, but maybe you get my drift.
The next thing I would address is stylistically. It reads a little too impersonal and detracted. What I mean is, it only sporadically has those little gems of emotional nuances, such as the superman shirt and such. I think there should be more, in order for the reader to feel like they have a real handle on characters and their lives.
Next, and speaking from someone who lives in the South, the portrayal of a Christian Fundamentalist is a little strong. Sure, there may be some who are that ignorant and also that intense but most are not. The murderer's mothers denial as to the possibility of her sons guilt is right on track though. Fundamentalism does have a powerful aversion to admitting any fault.
Lastly, the abortion reference whipped right by me, and I didn't really understand where it came from, or what the message there was.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/frameofdust
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.22 seconds at 1:29pm on May 01, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
