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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/furienome
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Review by Furienome
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Interesting taste of military life!
I thought the last one about the MAD was the best because you take us through solving a mechanical problem but I think that the references to technology would make some readers stumble.
On the other hand those same details add authenticity and would be of real interest to people with relevant knowledge. I'm one of the first type but I like to learn new things.
Maybe you would want to speed up the pace by cutting out some of the non-vital detail, for instance, when you listed all the lights that needed turning off in the plane.
If I'm reading it right, you had to go around turning off a bunch of switches, but none of them play a part in you narrowing down what's wrong with the plane; so we don't need to know what each one of them does.
The five paragraphs after the coffee break are all about hard work and discomfort so maybe they would have more impact if they were combined and condensed a little.

Thanks for sharing these ones and I hope you continue to write down more stories.

By-the-way, I think you're doing well to remember even half of those specifics decades later. Well done.
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