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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fuzzdude34
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by fuzzdude34
Rated: E | (4.0)
Robbie,

First of all, your images are fantastic. I particularly like "v shaped frowns" and "gaggle gossips." as far as line breaks go, a couple stanzas came off as choppy to my ear. The second stanza could be combined into 3 lines and it might flow easier.the fifth stanza could also be tightened up possibly..I would cut "aimlessly" and make the second line start with "nervous" and end with "pause." The last line of that stanza is awesome. Just a couple of suggestions from someone who struggles with line breaks also.
Overall, a very strong poem from someone who has obvious talent. I enjoyed reading it.



Fuzzdude34
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Review of Lying Here Awake  
Review by fuzzdude34
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fendi,

I like the stream of conciousness feel to this..just like someone lying awake deep into the night. The rhyme scheme works well with the tone of the piece and helps it flow. My only nit-pick would be the end of line ten: "reach less" sounds awkward to my ear since the rest of the poem flows wonderfully. Maybe use "with your mind such a fortress" or something. Just a suggestion, like I said, I really enjoyed it and you have a very good poem working there.




Fuzzdude34
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