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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gemdog
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16 Public Reviews Given
16 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Gemdog
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow!
I had to stop and take an extra Prozac!
Depression is a common experience I believe.
Your first stanza captures one of the feelings of depression,,,,,, useless arms,,,,,, feeling dead, immobile, useless in a very alive body,,,, the whole inertia depression can blanket you with.
Didn't relate to the second stanza,,,,,, I'm a novice at reading poetry,,,, bear with me,,,,, An empty mind/fear/blindness,,,,, when I'm depressed,,,,,,,, my mind is full of anger not fear,,,,, anger over the injustice of life,,,,,, instead of blindness,,,, it's the big picture that is killing me,,,,, the all seeing, all feeling,,,,, all knowing,,,,,,, and the sense of feeling hopeless with my useless arms to change anything,,,,,,,,
If you get a moment look up a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning,,,,,,, I can't remember its title something like "Victory"
I remember some of the words poorly but here goes,,,,,
"Success is counted sweetest by those who never succeed.
To comprehend a necter requires sorest need.
No one can count the cost of Victory half so well as as he
who lies defeated dying and hears the strains of victory crying." ( or something like that?)

It refers to a soldier, who gives his life in battle,,,,,,, knowing his side has won,,,,,,, he gave all, but as he dies he reflects on the cost of victory,,,,,, why I'm bringing this up,,,, I guess is that you captured some of the feelings folks have when they are depressed/defeated/dying,,,,,, No hope, uselessness, and no future/ knowing, hearing victory is there somewhere just beyond a grasp,,, but understood,,,,, this works,,,,,,,
I think only people who have been there (depressed) can fully relate to this poem,,,,,,, or understand the cost of depression or of victory over it,,,,,,,, Keep writing,,,,,, dark stuff is OK for us who know dark and light, Gemdog
2
2
Review by Gemdog
Rated: E | (5.0)
How can one rate the words of the lord? Or how can one argue with the logic of God?
I believe that there is also a scripture which says something like,,,,,, all things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose,,,,,,,,
Your experiences in dealing with the crisis are an example of how something bad can happen to someone good, and the whole experience can be transformed into something good,,,,, only the Master can spin bad around,,,,,, How cool is that?
I clicked on your work because strangers was mis-spelled,,,, it read the kindness of stranges,,,,,,,,, Ha!
All of the best writing I have ever read came from real life experiences,,,,,,, your reference to not remembering phone numbers, folks to call in an emergency I could relate to so well. I couldn't remember any numbers in an emergency,,,,,, and since that time have resolved to make a phone list of next of kin to carry in my purse, but have yet to do it,,,,,,, thinking it might trigger a use for itself just by being in my purse.
The only suggestions I have for your writing would be to ask yourself if there is a way to put what happened in order, perhaps a set-up of where everyone in the family was when the ,,,,,,,,,,, hit the fan? Then something informative,,,,,, how did each family member respond,,,,, to make the reading more interesting to strangers,,,,,,,
Your story is full of hope,,,,,,, good things can come from terrible circumstances, goodness still reigns in human hearts and the world is not all gloom and doom.
Keep writing,,,,,,, have someone show you the spell check key,,,,,, and go slowly, taking care not to bruise the fruit. Gemdog
3
3
Review by Gemdog
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Whoa,,,,,,,,,, I could so relate to this dream.
At my age I have spent hours behind the wheel hurtling through the dark tunnel of night, eyes darting right/left/right/left,,,,,, looking for those reflected pairs of pupils,,,,,,, I have dodged, and hit moose,,,,,, I have dodged, and hit deer,,,,,,, When I found myself to the point of no return,,,,,,(I'm going to hit, and kill another living creature) I was unable to unlock my arms or apply the brakes,,,,,,,, it feels like a nightmare, but it is soooooooo real. (Survival instinct, it's them or me)
I liked the last part of the dream,,,,,, the animal turns into a man/person,,,,,,,, I think all living creatures are connected in the web of life,,,,, when one is harmed the whole web of life is affected, this story taps into thoughts and feelings common to people, and this is the genius of great writing,,,, taking an experience, and making it real to the point the reader can relate, think, feel, be there in the middle of the scene, not a passive audience but a character in the story who can't walk out or turn the head or eyes away, or apply the brakes or turn the wheel,,,,,,,,, This is the first item I've given a perfect score,,,,,,, Keep writing, Gemdog
4
4
Review of Souls  
Review by Gemdog
Rated: E | (4.5)
I loved your choices of words. They painted such a picture of this place I felt I was standing on the outside looking in,
It took me to the middle of the work, until I reached the part that grabbed and shook me,,,,

"they are so much alike, the trains and the dead, yet neither will know of it for both are caught on their rails, cannot leave their place, they are carriers of souls from one place to the other,,,,,
Is is possible to move this to the top, as this seems to be the marrow of the poem? A comparision of unlike things, alike in many ways is always interesting. Is it the dead travelling to another place, or is it the spirits of the dead travelling like trains caught on rails of no return? I liked the comparison of the headstones with the standing still train station. Keep writing poetry. Gemdog
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