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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/guscommon
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6 Public Reviews Given
12 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review by guscommon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this, it is a good metaphor for life, and trying to give a voice to the babble that occurs each day. I found a typo,... the 7th paragraph, you say "you mind" and I think it is supposed to be "your mind".

The metaphor is good, but I think you could work on the relaying of it, look through your language, and see what you could add, subtract...

I don't know, I guess I really like the metaphor, but I wasn't "seeing" my past, and feeling those memories, I blame that on the language. You do a good job of repeating the theme of water, waves, boat but it just doesn't slap me in the face with authority.

Hope that helps,

Guscommon
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Review by guscommon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I like this, except: "Death replies silently; 'Wait', his voiceless calm emits. Is death saying "wait". Or is it the guy that died? If it is death, than this seems repetitive to me. It seems that death would either reply silently, or allow his voiceless calm to emit. One or the other, you see what I am saying? It's good though, I like the poem.
3
3
Review by guscommon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your faith and trust comes across strongly in this poem, it flows well and has a good rhythm. I find myself encountering different people in my life who see a part of me and in some way we establish communication. It inevitably comes around to talking about Christ...

You read my writing, and here we are, discussing Christ. I have trouble with the faith in Christianity. I understand it is an unprovable thing, like many things in my life, but I am apprehensive to accept all of the bible, and put faith in a concept of which I don't fully comprehend.

It seems every religion speaks to the same concepts, and is a product of the geographical region and society from which it arose. Christianity, Muslim, Buddhism, and the Jewish faith echo one another, but a Christian would denounce a Muslim as a Jew would denounce a Buddhist. This does not make sense to me.

With the same vigor you speak of Christ, a Muslim would speak of Muhammed. Who is to say your truth, or a Christians faith, is right and the other is wrong? I don't bring this up to challenge you, but to explain my mental processes as I chew on the topic.

My brother is a devout Christian, and we had a long talk about this the other day. He said that the bible is flawless, that no human could have written what was written, and he knows it was the work of God. Would a Muslim man not say, with the same conviction as my brother, that same thing about the Koran?

In my review, you said to put my faith in Him first, and everything else will follow. That is not easy for me to do. I see God as an ocean, you, I, and everyone else is merely a wave. Before we were born, we existed spiritually in this ocean, or perhaps lived in a different body. When we die, our body stays on earth, and our spirit, our true selves, return to this ocean.

God is all around us, we are manifestations of Him. Your words, my drawings, Jason Mraz's music, all shades of God played out right here on earth. Heaven and Hell? If we are reincarnated, then we create heave or hell right here, right now. By living according to the Bible, or the Koran, or the Torah, we are sculpting the after life right here on earth...

I don't know, that is what I think about...
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