*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harryofgo
Review Requests: OFF
4 Public Reviews Given
61 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Untitled  
Review by Richard Luck
Rated: E | (2.5)
There is certainly potential here. I like the what and the where of this story, a broken hearted boy clutching a dear memory and reflecting on the past it had represented. But the organization needs some work. You have way more sentences than is needed.
I have a four-leaf clover. It is Lucky. It brings Hope. Instead try something like, A four-leaf clover, the very manifestation of luck that carried within it the promise of hope. The challenge of putting many entences together often creates a more alluring description as you are forced to consider how all these parts make a whole. I hope this helps.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harryofgo