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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/heatless789
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Review by Kitty
Rated: E | (3.0)
It was alright. Forgive me for saying it wasn't amazing. It was overall enjoyable, but there were some things that just seemed unimportant. There were characters who seemed pointless, like her teacher. There was no real point in going on about how 'Yuck' she was if she isn't going to end up being important. Other than that the conversations didn't seem that lively, the short responses weren't all that interesting. That and it seemed like the vocabulary was going used over and over. A little spice in the sentences and detail in more important places would be nice.
These are the first two chapters so it can't be blamed for its faults. The start of a story is normally the most boring part. Also some of the technology was confusing. I think it would be a good idea to add another entry explaining the universe more. Still it is nice enough for what it is.

PS: This has to do with your other entry. I don't understand why you would make something explaining the characters right away. There is nothing wrong with it. In my opinion it would be more interesting to learn about the characters through the actual story though.
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