The personification of Grief is very pleasing. Oddly enough, when grim characters such as grief, despair, grim reaper, and so on so forth are made into actual characters who are shown as such or not; are very pleasing. The heavy sense of despair the lady has is well fitted for the level of the issue she faces.
Another good thing I've noted here is not every sentence and paragraph starts with the same word - though I do believe some of these sentences could have had better starting words! Especially in the second to last paragraph while describing Griefs appearance. You started almost all of the sentences with 'He' when I'm sure you could have started with something else. Perhaps... "Standing at least a foot taller than her with eyes like sapphire -" ? Also in this sentence you could have used further supporting words. Instead of "eyes like sapphire" what about "striking eyes like sapphire" or "glinting eyes of sapphire" ? Words like these aid to further show his appearance - normally describing his intentions or motives through his appearance without having to use phrases revolving around smug smiles, calm looks, ect.
This is a rather adorable poem. I like the simplicity of the rhyming scheme and even though it's a children's poem; I see you used larger vocabulary and also used words in a fashion that most children may not be accustomed to. Even so, it is a well written and happy or positive poem. Well done!
In other words, I find there's a sense of encouragement and hope in this piece. Especially in the second to last set of lines. "Because liars and cheats / And those times so unfair / Leave hardly a wrinkle / If I shine so aware." The idea that even through the harder and harsh times and even though you may meet or have issues with those around you - there is always a better time ahead and it leaves the bad things in the dust.
Although in my honest opinion, if this poem was directed to children under the age of say, ten? It would be wise to use simpler terms. One of the lines that would need such a revision would be, "Shall lack the true thrust / to not roll off my back!" Which I assume is to mean, "Will not have the strength or power needed to push me down." But now that I think about it, I find it a little odd you use the term "to not roll off my back." Is this term not used as a means of submission? To be on ones back and show the belly is often seen as a form of submission to another; much like a dog to its master.
I apologize for rambling, just shouting out a hello and my opinion!
Thank you for your time.
Interesting poem you have here. A very simplistic rhyming style with some very nice vocabulary thrown into it. I muse that there are contradictory verses in here like, "When fatal attraction / is likely not worse!" When isn't the reason of 'fatal attraction' is that it is un-rated, insane obsession or devotion where caution is thrown to the wind? Surely that's an exaggeration but I assume you get the idea. All the same, well written and simple.
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