Quick Opinion
 This is a very engaging story that has A LOT of grammatical errors. Most of the errors are easy to make, but you are doing yourself a disservice by not cleaning up your story a little better before posting it. You are a FANTASTIC writer, so please, take the time to clean up the technical aspects of your writing. 
What Works
You maintained the tension from the opening sentence until the final word. Good job!
Your dialog is very believable. I didn't once have to stop and think, "that doesn't sound believable." Another Good Job!
I could see the scenes. You didn't bore me with a plethora of flowery words, yet I wasn't grasping for a glimpse of where this was taking place. Nice work.
Suggestions
Most of the issues I found were grammatical in nature. There were quite a few and I am lowering my rating on account of them. Take the time to clean this up, however, and you will have a beautifully riveting story.
Her palms began to sweat, she could hear her heart beat in her ears or was it adrenaline?
The comma is not strong enough. Use a hyphen, semi-colon, or a period instead.
She was alone, again.
No comma needed.
There was just something about living in the middle of nowhere on a ten acre lot with nothing but thick brush and lakes that terrified her. she She didn’t know why, but soon would.
Jim sighed heavily rolling his eyes.
You need a comma. I am guessing it wold be after heavily. Did he sigh heavily and then roll his eyes or did he sigh and the roll his eyes heavily? See what I mean?
“I just don’t feel right about it.” she shrugged feeling the hair on her arms rise like tiny soldiers.
Replace the period after it with a comma.
She looked around her heart sinking, he never believed her.
Was she sinking or her heart? If it was her heart, put sinking before heart. If it was her, then move the comma from after sinking to after heart.
“We’ll take it.” he said to the realtor before she could protest more.
Replace the period after it with a comma. You do this a lot. The only time you put end of sentence punctuation before a he said/she sai for a quotation is when it is a question or exclamation point. If it is a sentence that would end in a period, put a comma instead.
She started to adjust, started her writing again.
The comma isn't strong enough. Use a hyphen or a semi-colon instead. You have an independent clause followed by a dependent one. To connect the two with a comma, change the second started to its gerund form. She started to adjust, starting her writing again. That sounds clunky though. I would just change the comma to a semi-colon and be done with it.
Karin thought the deal was too good to be true little did she know
I would end the sentence with true and then start a new one with Little.
When she opened the door, the hair on the back of her neck rose arose, feeling as if a million ants were climbing from her hair down to her back.
A woman stared back at her with black empty eyes.
You need a comma after black.
The wind had picked up, yet her ankle length, purple dress didn’t move, neither did her long hair.
The final comma needs to be a hyphen or a semi-colon.
“Not this again!” she said aloud.
Do we need to know this was aloud?
Karin had what most would call a “second sight,” seeing things others did not.
Put second sight in italics instead of double quotes and change the comma to a hyphen or semi-colon.
Passed down from her mother, Karin despised it.
This sentence is saying that Karin was passed down from her mother. I am pretty sure that wasn't your intent.
Jim couldn’t understand it, couldn’t take it anymore.
You need stronger punctuation here. Change the comma to a hyphen or semi-colon.
She was a writer and a good one at that.
Put a hyphen or a semi-colon after writer.
Physically shaking off the sighting, Karin did the only thing she could. She wrote about her.
I woulud replace the period after could with a hyphen or semi-colon instead.
The palm trees swayed back and forth sounding like the waves of the ocean.
Comma after forth.
It was becoming clearer now, more Indians.
Change comma to a hyphen or semi-colon.
Breaking the trance of the Indian warrior she bent down to put her head between her legs to make the sickness go away when she saw her.
Put a comma after warrior. The rest of the sentence seems to me, to contain too much information. Try revising it -- maybe breaking it into two sentences.
She jumped up spilling her hot milk on her lap causing her to scream in pain.
Comma after up and after lap.
Karin looked at her mouth instinctively, but again, her mouth did not move.
Lose the second comma.
She glared at Karin sending waves of nausea through her as her stomach clenched.
You need a comma after Karin.
Running back into the house she ran right into him in the hallway.
You need a comma after house.
“We are not wanted here.” she said in fear.
Replace the period after here with a comma.
Jim sighed heavily having heard this too many times.
Put a comma after heavily.
She passed by Jackie’s room, she was sleeping peacefully, thankfully no nightmares tonight.
You need to separate the middle clause with hyphens or semi-colons instead of commas. Or, you could divide this into two sentences.
Her face seemed to come alive as it stared from the page at Karin.
“Murdered on their own land” she read it over and over with the woman staring back at her.
Put an exclamation point after land and start a new sentence with She.
Pacing in her office, she knew they meant business. They were in great danger here.
You have two uses of they where they each seem to point to a different group. Try to make these sentences clearer.
Obviously this particular tribe did not want them there and she wasn’t sure what would happen to them if she couldn’t convince her husband to leave.
Put a comma after obviously and after there
Suddenly she dropped to the floor, she couldn’t breathe.
Change the comma to a hyphen, semi-colon, or period.
“I’ll…I’ll be right there.” she croaked.
Change the period after there to a comma.
Not speaking to her mother she sat in the passenger seat with her arms folded in front of her.
You need a comma after mother.
“The school called me, I couldn’t leave work and I’ve been calling here for hours! Where the hell have you been?”
Change the comma after me to either a hyphen, semi-colon, or a period.
“The Indians, they want us out of here and one way or another; they are going to win!”
Switch the comma and the semi-colon around.
Karin could see her, Jim could not.
Replace the comma with a hyphen, semi-colon, or period.
The slices on Jackie’s face became visible to Jim,; the attacker was not.
Jim grabbed Jackie into his arms and snatched Karin’s hand as they ran for the car.
seeing they weren’t all that deep, Karin pressed on the cuts with her shirt to stop the bleeding., seeing they weren’t all that deep.
“Jesus!” was all she heard from Jim again as he sped off.
The again sounds clunky and spurious. I know what you are trying to say, but try revising this. Just for the record, this is a passive sentence as well. Now, I'm not a stickler for never using passive verbs, but you might want to keep it mind as a lot of editors hate the passive voice.
Karin could see the trees swaying from side to side but her long dress didn’t move. She smiled holding up her bloody knife in one hand and waved good-bye with the other.
Who was it that was holding up the bloody knife? By the way you have this worded, it seems that Karin has it.
She saw Jim glance in the rear view mirror but could tell he saw nothing, he was just mentally saying goodbye.
Exchange the comma for a hyphen, semi-colon, or period.
Karin got up out of bed in the tiny apartment that was much more to her liking. Surrounded by people, she felt safer. She couldn’t sleep, still thinking of that horrible day. Sitting down at her computer, she decided to do some writing. She felt a hand come across her shoulder, making her jump.
You have a lot of very similarly structured sentences, one right after the other. You have done a fine job of mixing up your sentence structure in the rest of the piece, so do it here as well.
“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you Karin,” he said sitting down next to her holding a hot cup of milk, he knew it calmed her nerves.
Put an and before holding and change the final comma to either a hyphen, semi-colon, or period.
“Could this price actually be right?” she beamed.
You have her beaming words. I think you should reword this so that she can say her words and then beam.
Tom looked around, he was surprised too.
You need to replace the comma with a hyphen, semi-colon, or period.
“I just don’t feel right about it.” she tried again.
Replace the period after it with a comma.
“We’ll take it.” he said to the realtor.
Replace the period after it with a comma.
Overall
I am giving you a three point five. I also want to let you know that your story is easily a four point five, but you need to clean up the grammatical errors. If you do, send me an email and will renew you anew. |
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Nice poem to get the blood flowing. 
I am giving you a 4.5.