It's nice to have a nice little encounter in a place where you never hear about them. You almost forget some people got to a club to actually try and meet people.
And that's all I feel that needs to be said. It's a story about two people meeting at a club, and having a nice conversation.
A Nice little story that does a shift in tone pretty well. Honestly, I don't think there's much to say. I'm not here to claim perfection, but I'm here to say it was well done.
I say this a bit, but try to test out different spacing options. Adding some space here and there can make any piece of work look a little more attractive.
Being straight, I'm not too sure how to feel about this one. There are two ways for me to respond, this is ambiguous, or vague.
If this is ambiguous, then it's intentionally leaving out certain details to get the reader more involved. This is generally used when the story itself isn't the most interesting concept.
However, being vague is when the plot lacks important details that, instead of getting the reader involved, leaves them confused. This tends to make it seem like the author simply forgot something.
If it's the former, then this deserves a 4/5. The latter, then a 2/5. I'm giving it a 3/5 just to be safe.
I guess my best bit of advice is to have someone else read what you write, if you haven't already.
It does do a good job causing you to wonder what the intended context is. Is it for someone who had a break-up? Some who died? Just someone being a bit over dramatic?
And I honestly think this is a strong aspect of poetry.
However, while that's a good thing for poetry, it all doesn't make it. While I stand by that this is a good poem, I would like to give you some advice:
1.) This poem could really benefit from either another stanza, or another line for each stanza. Considering the basic premise, giving it a bit more detail helps.
2.) This goes for this poem, along with anything else you may do: Give your words a little more kick. Aim to say what you need to say without repeating words. (Take note that if you have more than one character/perspective, you can get away with this).
3.) For the Future, consider the idea of showing more than one perspective. It could simply be having the character look at it in a different perspective, or you could show another person reacting to the same situation, and how it contrasts to another.
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