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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jayristau
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14 Public Reviews Given
19 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Darkened Life  
Review by Jäk
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amazing opener. Seems picturesque and very well-realized. Really caught my eye with that, really drew me in.

My second favourite bit is this:
"By the ripple of a heartbeat
death's dream kingdom bids you come,
to the circles of the stormy deep
so utterly real to some."

. . .

That bit just. . . slays.


Otherwise, I see wrong with it. . . Apart from the fact that it slays my mind so murderously. So depressively *Smile*
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Review of Natures Portrait  
Review by Jäk
Rated: E | (4.5)
Brilliant piece.

This piece is like a pendulum, that swings from dark to bright, ranging from low-beat to high.

Jeez, how do you properly articulate something as abstract as "poetry" anyway? It's not like math, or science, it's a much more "kinetic" thing. It's very personal, very internal. . .

Do I make even the slightest of sense?

Within my minds' ear, I can hear this piece, speak to me with a low-beat way. "In the Begins" hits me with a sombre quality, that rises almost hopefully with "Breezes Gentle," And this is a cycle that I hear continue throughout.

Hm.

Anyway, keep it up, it's good work.
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Review of Hatred  
Review by Jäk
Rated: E | (4.0)
         s***e, mate. Your second poem? How long did it take? Probably put deep thought into it, I expect.

         Hey! I doubt very much this is your second poem-work. If that's true than your probably a natural or something. Your second?--psshht. Yeah, right. *Smile* Your hundredth.

         What gets to me is the meaning that it carries. It carries a lot. And the references you made, to the trade center--that was pretty evocative too.

         Mistakes? Wolve's. Nothing wrong with that, really. I wouldn't see any reason to correct it.

         Usually when I read a piece like that I think it speaks of the author as having seen the world and speaks that he or she has a real understanding, and a meaningful message to convey.

         Good.
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Review of IT MATTERS NOT  
Review by Jäk
Rated: E | (3.5)
Oh, I like this piece. It's straightforward and understanding and the language is purely truthful. There's no deception in it at all.

I think in your writing you have mastered this poems vision, it's message.

A few words here and there could have been omitted, for the sake of brevity, but there's nothing really glaring.

Not that my eyes would ever catch anything glaring. Heh.

Right on I say! Err, write? Ugh.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jayristau