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39 Public Reviews Given
39 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by Jack
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really enjoyed your preview. Very well written. Smooth, easy prose, interesting set-up, and character. Add some sprinkles of humor and a dark undertone, all done in a concise fashion. Well done!
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27
Review of The Train  
Review by Jack
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your writing tempo. You have a free, easy way of putting pen to paper, however, as interesting as this is, I'm left with a ton of questions, wondering if there are any answers, or if this is just a work of simple imagery. At the very end, you name a student. Fredrick breaks the anonymous tempo and brings us in, as if an opening, instead, it's the ending. Curious.
28
28
Review by Jack
Rated: E | (3.5)
Your writing is very clean and clear. However, it is a tad rigid. I, too, see this in my writing. We would do well to learn cadence. Writing, in my humble opinion, is akin to poetry. It has a beat, a tempo. We each have to find our own. Your story starts ordinary, then builds to the extraordinary. There should be a sense of this not only in explanation but in feeling. The sheer horror of what is happening to this man should be more descriptive, maybe even a hint of humor in his final moments- like I should have gone to the office.
Also, he has two nights of more odd stuff. Maybe this isn't necessary? It's kind of anti-climatic. I'd build off the occurrence to the revelation, all in the workday. I think that would maintain the anxiety and allow him to make excuses before it's too late.
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