The writing reminds me of Shel Silverstiens short poems.
the stroy itself reminds me alot of the anchor arms episode of spongebob.
honestly though im sure the ideas been done by others too.
my only real criticism is to not rush the ending. it was building up nicely continue to go at that pace or at least pause before the big ending
but i digress its a good story and ill give it 4/5
really nice it'd make a nice creepypasta.
I really like the ending especially how the bible reference emphasizes the
windows to the soul thing and ties the whole story so beautifully together.
the only suggestions i could give are to set the tone better, and not bounce back and forth between the characters too much because it breaks up the story so the suspense cant build
(but im still guilty of both of these, so easier said than done eh?)
But its a really solid idea, its a really good ending,and I'll definitely come back and rate it 5 stars if you can add a bit more feeling of suspense to it. i know with just a bit more suspense this could be the next 1999 or candle cove.
Im glad you joined. honestly even the sappy poems (like you said) have value.
yeah its sappy and very short but i like it and honestly i like it so more for the post script,
thats the kind of thing alot of new authors need to see. and as an encouragement to new people this is great. simply because it feels like the first person who awkwardly dances at a party to break the ice. yeah others might laugh but without that person being brave enough no one would have the nerve to do it.
wow I honestly didnt see that coming. it was good and it was subtle. and honestly it gripped me and with no introduction to them i still feel dor the protagonist.honestly the only improvememt i could say is tp make it longer. or make more like this. you have alot of talent sir.
that was a good and sweet story. short but really well written. very emotional. reminded me of interview with a vampire where Louis says a vampire might only cry twice during their entire immortal lives. where someone who thought they were beyond the reach of sadness sees something still powerful enough to reach in and stir that emotion in them.
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