*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jessica.w
Review Requests: OFF
2 Public Reviews Given
2 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Jessica
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I really liked the story so far but I wanted to tell you what I thought. When you mentioned the Best Western I first thought it was a joke and then I re-read it and it didn't fit. I continued to re-read that sentence. I think you should either omit the ice machine but I think it was a good thing to point out. Or maybe you can just put, "I kept forgetting that I'm not at a nicer upscale hotel where there is an ice machine on every floor." Or something like that. I just didn't feel right when I read that sentence. Also, this really confused me, You meet her, you'll have to smack yourself to stop staring. Her problem is she wants to beat you over the head with what she knows, you know the type." I think I know where your coming from and if I am correct then in general to me it's still confusing. But I do really like it so far. I wanted to scroll down and keep reading more.

Yes, one other thing I like how detailed you are.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jessica.w