I like the connection between the Seer and religion in our own society. Because i too believe that religion might have been in some way used as a means for the troubled to give them hope to continue on in their lives, and that in the present, we regard their tall tales and fact and as something to live by. But aside from that, i couldnt see much else in the story. Mostly everything else was unclear. I do realize that this is satire, but some more detail wouldve helped paint the picture and the feel much better. You just go through the story and throw in names, the characters pop outta nowhere and there it doesnt flow well.
I liked the way you ended it all off. There was some good foreshadowing to it in the dialogue which is pretty clever. It woudlve helped the climax become more surprisng if there was some more buildup, more interatcion between the characets, showing how close they were and how hard it would be if they lost one another, showing them both start to worry alot, and also trying to use a suspenseful tone. Also, if you added more while she was having the kid, like saying she started kicking like crazy and that her stomach began somehow moving and stuff like that. Like i said though, its a helluva ending.
The way the story was-including aspects on the meaning of lfe and existence was pretty interesting. It didnt go very deep though, which i think coulda helped the theme ur trying to convey. One thing is to use more symbols in the story to represent them, maybe u have a couple in there, and if u do they r a bit subtle. And also teh guy charlie seemed to be just way too out there ykno, but if u were goin 4 that, to show that hes a man of wisom like in those movies, he came off well, and pretty weird. ALso You get to really kno the relationship that the 2 characters share really well which really helps out.
Im guessing this is part of abigger story, cuz otherwise you would need to describe the 2 main characters mroe and also about their relationship. Also when shes in teh house, it would be better if there was more of a feeling of a suspense when shes walking thru the dark hallways, like a sense of danger or also her worrying cuz the kid is missing, which would only really work if u described how close they are prior to it. I also liked the description of the rain, but u used it a little too much. ANd if teh reader doesnt kno much about the relationship b/w the 2 cahracters, then its almost as if nothings really going on in the story because the reader wont really understand. And when shes sitting in the rain u could use more detail to show how she was worrying so much when the girl was lost. All in all the story was good, but with a little more work and connections and itd be better
It's a really good idea, the whole thing about overcoming, or trying to overcome, racism. But the story just kind of jumped from one part to another, and you never get much detail or knowledge about the main character or anyone else, and it was a bit tragic and the guy came off as a bit too heroic. Also instead of giving that sort of overview in the end, it might be better that u just imply it throughout the story u kno. Racism has also become sumwat of a generic topic also, so some creativity and originality can go a long way. and if u want to evoke more feeling about the tragedy she goes through, you should make the readers kno more about the main character and get more attached to her. But either way it was a decent story, but couldve been a bit deeper.
Yea u were right, it is confusing. Thats probably the best and worst thing about it tho. Its good in a way that u keep the reader stuck to it n that u keep the suspense up n u get the reader involved. But it is a little TOO abstract if u kno wat i mean. The flashing towards the battle n back to reality or watever it was,was good, but i think it coulda been better if it were a bit clearer. I aint sure but im just gonna guess that the whole battle n everything is a battle w/in himself or urself to stay true to who u r which is in the light of GOd. To stay with ur friends thru hard times, n that the dark ones r really all the evil, sin n corruption in the world n u killin em is stayin faithful n good. LIke u said in the end about the guy goin theru a "sprititual" war, i dunno thats my guess, if im rite tell me. It was good tho, but if it were a bit clearer n had sum more detail it wouldve been even better. If u could help me out u can check out my profile-joefc n read the lil story i got, i wrote it 4 class n i just want a ratin if u could-thx
Right after the first line that i read i was already pulled in. I like it because its really deep and tragic. It seems like u put a lot of emotion into it which made it feel even more dramatic and personal lol i just hope it aint all true. I really cant find too much wrong with it, except maybe u could be a little clearer on why u feel that way, or maybe thats wat u were aiming for, good job anyways.
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