Great job setting a bleak tone and establishing a thorough description of a world punished with an alien invasion. I also like the irony that, while greed is a fundamentally human trait, its effect on the Charr will allow humanity to survive. The only thing I would change is reducing the frequency of pronouns you use.
I really enjoy the fast-moving style of this one! The abrupt but descriptive sentences you use add speed to the narrative and give the sea a feeling of wonder and activity. However, toward the end it may be beneficial to slow the pace down a little more and lengthen your sentences.
Nice story with a creative twist at the end. I do think it could have benefitted from being longer and drawing out the suspense of the reader being unsure about the research Bob was doing. I would also expand on his backstory and motivations, where he procures the knowledge and equipment for his research, etc. Best of luck in your writing, and please be sure to check out ( and maybe review ;) ) my short story, “The Algorithm”.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/joshlux
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 2:29pm on May 18, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
