One thing I like about this poem is how vague the different perspectives are. It appears to be a range of 3-4 entities, one seeming to be you. It also seems to be a sort of eulogy given the context that Lucy may or may not be dead.
Which makes ya think.
Who's saying these things and why, it made me go into an investigation of how people value one another to determine who these perspectives may have been. The poems elusive yet simplistic nature is something you don't really see much. Good read
A very nice rework of the TMNT origins. The nit pick in me just needs to point out that...
paragraph 6, line 7, witness a great e between two great warriors!", I didn't know if this was a mistype of sorts
last paragraph, 5th sentence... " His brother could deal with it so he moved away." It feels like you meant to say something different there
last paragraph line 8 " It was still jalf full."
those were just some small mistakes I came across, but overall a very cool story, thank you for the read!
Being an introvert I like the reality in this. It's a clear picture of the true inner workings that happen in the mind. And with it all the little things that bring about personal awkwardness and noticing all the slight changes that seem like exclusion.
I'd like to comment some on the writing but it seems to follow more of personal thought to the point of art, which I believe was done well. I'd almost like to see what this would look like in free verse poetry, but that's probably just my own preferences talking.
And as a fellow loner I feel inclined to advise that finding your crowd is finding your element. Even my element is made of weird people who still probably spend a lot of time alone. But once you're in a environment that you know and can flow in the people won't matter because you can always have the topic to direct conversation to.
thanks for the read, good to hear I'm not the only one who suffers these realities.
This reminds me of some short sci-fi horror stories, very well written and good voice in it. Even with such a short exposure to the person here you can feel his sense of duty and ambition.
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