Wow, this was really amazing! The story pulled me in right away and kept me reading until the end. A couple of things though, there was some tense confusion: you went between present and past tense a lot. I felt like the past tense was more fitting, and that the present pulled the reader out of the story a little. Also, at the very end when you had Marin knowing so much about all of the girls just by them saying their names was slightly unbelievable. Maybe when they introduced themselves have them say a sentence or two abou themselves? Maybe have one of the girls glance towards Jaimy for approval after introducing herself to show the distinct leadership.
But this was really a fantastic story! Deffinately keep writing it, I want to know what happens(:
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