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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kaitlynmw
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8 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Vanishing  
Review by Kat Daniels
Rated: E | (3.0)
Haiku's are challenging, but I like how you end yours with a playful question - how fun it would be to travel along with the wind, like a seed caught on the breeze! Thanks for sharing this gem!
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Review of Forbidden Power  
Review by Kat Daniels
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
You include some great imagery in this piece - I can see the leaves falling around the singer as she dances in the forest. I think you could do more with the conflict, though. Maybe include some Christian images in contrast with the Pagan stirrings she feels in her heart. If she is turning away from these feelings, we as readers need to know why. Does the potential of magick scare her, does she feel ashamed or hypocritical for feeling attracted to it? There is more here, I think, than just the feeling of being a "bad girl."

I enjoyed this poem/song because it struck a chord with me - I too have had this struggle, but I suppose you could say I have turned to the so-called "dark side" because I have embraced my Pagan tendencies. To each his own.
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Review by Kat Daniels
Rated: E | (2.5)
The ending of this poem caught me off guard, but of course that was the point! The repetition you use is nice, as well as a series of events to express your point. When this repetition is broken at the end, it is surprising and delightful in an eerie sort of way.

My only suggestion is that you get even more specific with your examples. For instance, how has the narrator become "like (his) father"? Also, try to avoid cliche's like "going out into the real world." Everyone's version of the "real world" is slightly different. Find some concrete specifics and you will transform your writing into something that is that much more personal and original.

Overall, the theme of this poem is very engaging and interesting. Thanks for sharing!
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