This is an awesome story. I like that it's quick to the point instead of being long and dragged out. I like that she ended up knowing him in the end. My heart started racing when he said her name! I was desperate to find out who it was! Thankyou for the great read!
"But that the child inside each and every one of us Must learn to live". This really hit home for me. I think that this is really more about how I took your poem and molded it to my situation more so then what it means to you. To me that part hit home because having 4 children myself, I get caught up in the grown up part of it and all that being an adult means. I forget to just sit and play for a while and it's something that's been bothering me. "Not to struggle or reach for well-earned excuses". This hits home for me also. In the time it takes to make an excuse, the task at hand could be accomplished already. And maybe what really matters is that your poem made me think, it made me feel connected. I think it's beautifully written, understandable, and definitely brilliant in it's own right. Thankyou for hitting home!
“To the edge of Kio like everyone else,” Garen said. “But where would you be going in such a rush?”
This part I didn't really understand. There was an urgency and rushing would seem to follow through with that . The part that doesn't make sense to me is why he's asking "But where would you be going in such a rush". Other than that, I enjoyed this story. I think it has the potential to be outstanding. You drew me in and kept me interested. I was entertained, and I enjoyed "watching" the story play out. I think that you have an excellent ability to really bring out the scenery. I could see the colors, I could see the attack happening. This is definitely one I will be reading again!
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