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4 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by N.I. London
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think your poem stirs great emotions in its four stanzas, but I think you can close with a reference to your first line so that your poem comes full circle to refute that line. I think that the poem is missing how you (the subject) feel when the rain falls. I know that you say you feel peace but you just describe how the rain falls. I think you can push the emotional boundaries and still maintain the short length of the poem. I'm confused by the last line. Why is rain a colorful curtain? I don't think of rain having a color. I do like the use of the verb bathed. Instead of saying, "We're bathed", change it to "I'm bathed" because the subject throughout the poem is singular.

My favorite line is "As the invincible heat meets its demise".

You have a great start to your poem, but I would like those feelings that you're introducing to be developed more. Don't tell me about the peace of the summer's rain, but show me, in imagery, in how the subject interacts with the rain.
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Review by N.I. London
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I think that you do a great job of mystery and interest in your story. In my opinion, I think the flow of the story is interrupted by too much detail and too many adjectives. You can easily make this story half the length and still leave the rich details that add to the story. For instance these sentences can easily be edited:

The slight built man with wire rimmed glasses spoke in a strong Georgia drawl and stood in the middle of the room, hands behind his back. His wispy auburn hair was parted neatly to either side and a similar mustache adorned his face. He was dressed well, but not formal.

A small, bespectaled man, with his hands behind his back, stood in the middle of the courtroom wearing a crisp suit and just polished shoes. This man wore his wispy auburn hair parted neatly to either side as so his neatly trimmed mustache. In a drawling Georgian accent, he accused,...

Also you shouldn't explain to the reader about the custodis forensis. I sentence or two should suffice and the importance should come out through the story. Sometimes you slip into explanations that take away from the flow of the story. My last piece of advice is to reevaluate your word choice.

"Grandeur Smile": grandeur is a noun
"Spewing expletives": curses is the better word
A character's "countenance falls": the word is being used clumsily in this context

Good luck!
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