To be honest, when I read the first few lines of dialogue I had no idea where you were going with this. Your dialogue is simple but effective and sounds like real human interaction. Good conversational dialogue is hard thing to accomplish and you are off to a good start with this.
I feel like you could add some scenery to the bit. What do these people look like? What is the salesman's facial reaction to the woman's constant accusations that he's a famous movie star? What's the weather like? I'm only adding these suggestions in case you decide to take this piece and expand on it.
My favorite part is the ending. I wasn't expecting it, but you ended with a great lesson which was both insightful, witty, and funny. I had a smirk on my face when I was done reading it. Great work here. Like I said, the only drawback for me was that I wanted to know More.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kerouac_fan1
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.22 seconds at 8:23am on Apr 26, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
