Very nice. Loving sentiments enduring through the written word. I only noticed one thing: In your second line, first stanza, you use 'blue' twice. That's a bit distracting when reading the poem. Might I suggest making one of them 'azure' as an alternative? Other than that, it's a picture-perfect offering to the man you love. A pleasure reading your poem.
Hi, Joan. This is a thoughtful piece you have here. I wonder if I may make a few suggestions.
You've got the meat of it down pat and your rhymes are fine. You progress from the reflections on winter/new years right into speculations of summer. Easy to tell where your thoughts are wandering to! In a few places, your meter goes unchecked. Each couplet you have appears to require either a three-beat first line and four-beat second line, or both having four-beat measures (according to what you have here), yet some of them have more or are simply inconsistent. For example: "The ^New ^Year can ^bring/^Cold ^weather or ^snowy ^things" = three then four. Later, you have, "We ^need to ^clean ^everything ^around/So as to ^make our ^living ^easier and ^sound" = four and four. Your last line in this couplet is about as far as you want to stretch the syllables and still retain your meter.
Now, this is not to say that you can't have a three/four beat to a couplet, only that it seems inconsistent when it isn't in a recognizable pattern with the other couplets. This easily fixed with the addition, removal, or substitution of words within the poem, according to syllable needs.
A couple of other points; in this line: "Clutter can be no more without busy hands" you appear to say that clutter can exist with busy hands. I'm sure that';s not what you meant and simply making it 'with' instead of 'without' is an easy fix here. Also, in the next line: "The New Year will be prosper and good" I think you meant to have 'prosperous' instead of 'prosper'. It will still squeeze into the meter with that change, so that's an easy fix, too.
I greatly enjoyed reading this light-hearted yearning for warmer weather. I lived in NC for fifteen years myself (and am moving back soon) so I can definitely relate to looking forward to spring and summer! Best wishes to you.
This is a perfect poem, I believe. It's not exactly to my taste in subject matter or style, but it was well-written and strongly supported the theme. Perfect meter and perfect rhyme, combined with a very clear and concise thought throughout, make it a superb example of rhymed verse poetry. Excellent job!
Very nice! This poem has the potential to be truly excellent. Your use of descriptive vocabulary and the encouragement of all senses works to this poem's advantage. Some of the lines were a bit leggy and could benefit from paring down. You missed the first 'n' in 'sanguine', also. I wonder if I might make a suggestion... Your use of verbiage is average. To make this poem jump into the reader's mind, try placing verbs (when possible) at the beginning of lines. You'll notice an immense difference in the way it reads afterward. Each verb will drive the following line, imprinting it upon the reader's thoughts. I might also suggest mixing up the beginnings of your lines. You begin so many of the lines with 'the'. This not only detracts from the poem in general, but also tends to creating an undesirable repetition in the reader's thoughts. At least, I think it's undesirable - it doesn't seem to be a mechanism that you are using in this poem anyway. If it is, my apologies and ignore the point, please.
It was a pleasure reading this. It has great potential that I would love to see realized. If you would like any further help, please feel free to contact me. I'm always willing to help.
This has a nice melancholy feel about it. It's not overly descriptive which is best in poetry. It's more the reader's place to paint the picture from what you write than it is for the poet to 'make' the reader see what they want them to see. Suggestion is the most powerful tool of poetry.
I did notice a few mistakes - "feeling of loneliness, i've ever felt." This line needs to be resolved with the rest of the poem. It doesn't fit grammatically. You've also missed capitalizing your 'i' in 'i've'. "memories of him is always on my mind." 'memories' requires that 'is' should be 'are' in this line to be grammatically correct. "and wandering our happiest times." This line needs to be resolved with the rest of the poem, too. "The spirit of our love that left in the shore,/and filled hope our hearts more." These two lines don't convey your thought well. I understand the general idea of what you're saying, but it isn't very clear.
You've definitely got the imagery down pat and the ideas and thoughts flow throughout the poem. Fixing the minor details will make this a superb poem.
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