The concept started off well. Clever setup, somewhat similar to Rouge's Hypno Ring, and seeing as how this has more chapters I thought it was likely to be better. It started off decent with several story. Sure some of the characters didn't act how they normally would, but that's to be expected in stories in these.
However the later branch with Ruby/Hypon-Sue just completely ruins over half of the story. His inclusion in the story just....completely shot any interest in the story. The whole point of stories like these is... People want to see characters they recognize in the story. See how they react under certain circumstances. This one seems to take the concept of "What would Fiona do if she had all these powers". I'm sorry, but I know Hypon may be this Super Fan Character Amazing Perfect Star Quality Shadow Edit. But aside from the few individuals who continued the story. It stopped being a story about interesting characters, but somehow this Self Insert fanfic. And For the record Hypon doesn't need this. He has his own freaking stories, he can stay there instead of infecting other stories with his presence.
The Problems with Hypon in this story are:
- Completely steals the spotlight from the Titled Characters. Might as well rename the story "Hypon's Vixens" so people know what they're getting into.
- Everyone gives too many fucks about him. Fiona is creating mind slaves for herself. What makes Ruby so Goddamn special? It really feels like a case of "I'll do all this shit to the other characters, but MINE IS IMMUNE! MINE IS SPECIAL!"
- He is not a compelling character he's very flat, even before becoming a mindless slave. To Suddenly have him as the Main Character going deep into the story was pretty much unbearable. Because unlike other characters like Fiona, Tails, Sonic. Coming into this nobody had any opinion on Hypon, and after the story they will likely still have no opinion or be be annoyed to a varying degree.
- Lastly, and I think this is covered partly in the other points. This story isn't about Hypon. I don't give a fuck about Fiona outside the stories she's in, so this isn't a fandom complaint. She went from Head Bitch In Charge to Ruby's lover. Yes. The Master becomes the supporting character to a slave, who somehow gets an independent personality all on her own and is shielded from many of the unfortunate implications of being Fiona's mindslave. It stopped Being about Fiona and Tails conquest to take over the world, and later became an ungodly shipping fanfic between her and a Mary-Sue.
Rayton said it best in Chapter 218: After Honeymoon
"And so, the universe as we know it ended, all because one selfish wolf-turned-vixen couldn't let Tiffany and Fiona be a couple."
"But hey, at least Ruby got what she wanted, and that's all that matters, right?"
tl;dr: Hypon Ruined the Story.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kyuna
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