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70 Public Reviews Given
87 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of The Last Morning  
Review by LaniG
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi!

I hope this is helpful!
What I liked: The twist was very surprising. (He’s a dog!!!!!).
I love “a tear meandering down her cheek.”

Suggestions:
I was a bit confused by the ending. It’s good to leave the reader with questions, but this is too vague. There was nothing too suggest why she would leave him. I’m just left scratching my head. (Of course, maybe it’s just me:)

Keep writing!
Cheers
Lani
27
27
Review of Going Home  
Review by LaniG
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi!
What I liked: I liked how you jumped straight into the action. The character of Lisa really made me feel like something was seriously wrong. I loved the ending!

Suggestion: The only slight problem I had was when you slowed the action down to describe Maryanne’s house in sooo much detail.

Overall: I loved it!
28
28
Review of Rain On Me  
Review by LaniG
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi!
What I liked: I liked your concept. The character of David was very well drawn (poor guy:)) I liked the ending.

Some suggestions:
I don’t think this is finished. It seems longer than it needs to be. Some Kurt Vonnegut advice: Start as close to the end as possible.
You could start in the office and briefly mention the events that led up to that point.
Also, you have a few missing punctuation marks and misspelled/mistyped words e.g. later when you meant latter.

Overall: I do think you have something here. Keep writing!
Cheers
Lani
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