Very good start but first person viewpoint is a killer. I don't like it and, according to the classes I have taken, neither does anybody else (I know there are exceptions -- instructors usually rattle off some classics right after they make that statement.)
Try: Gill sat in the coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon, wondering how she had let her kids talk her into dating again. She looked at her watch it was 12.45pm. That left her fifteen minutes to make a run for it. She smiled to herself at the thought. No, that wasn't going to happen.She had agreed to give it a try, and that's what she was going to do. What's the worst that could happen? she thought. Then she was afraid he could be a sex maniac, or, on a more positive note, he could be George Clooney's double. Realistically she didn't think either would be the case.
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