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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lazerdream
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Review of My Moods  
Review by Lelouch
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi! I'm here to review your item.

To start, I understood the meaning as the confused moods of teenagers and a vent from the narrator on all the good and bad feelings that accompany growing up.

I liked your vocabulary, as it prompted me to learn a few new words. The writing's of course authentic with how the thoughts just jump around, especially when it jumps to the parents who are a central authority figure in a teenager's life, which often prompts the teenager to rebel against them. And the contrast created in the last two lines was very well placed as a conclusion. Overall well written from a teenager's point of view.

As for what I didn't like, I think you're lacking a coma in a few places that look like they need one. Also it was outright confusing in the third verse. In addition, the first two lines of the fourth verse are hard to understand without any context. Finally in the second verse the narrator refers to a person he's talking to, while in the rest of the poem it appears as if he's talking to nobody in particular.


Personally I think it could become a really awesome poem with some editing. So feel free to message me if you decide to edit it, so I can change my score accordingly, or if you feel I'm wrong on some account.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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