This is by far, too short, it has potential and since the world is almost definitely in a high-interest period for crime you could do much more then this.
By both explaining how heinous her crimes were, how she had no remorse, the places, the reasons, the art of her killings etc. The mind of the killer right now is simply 'Oh yeah? I'm killing people' which doesn't accomplish much of anything.
Aha, way to add sarcasm to the constant state of 'damsel-in-distress' the bond movies forced women into. Though if you read the books they were based off you'll find that there is actually a lack of many of these situations. I actually read a entire book that was void of the fabled bond girl. And bond in those is more clever then anything else, almost lacking most gadgets.
Sorry to sound somewhat sarcastic but there's no intention here, it literally is a highly abridged 'history of the end of the world'. Sadly its a bit stale, and far too short for the message its getting across which isn't much of anything besides 'life ends'/
Though I'll assume your young, and just beginning your journey as a poet, or writer. Keep up, and keep on.
Not bad, and as you said, not 'amazing'. Though I don't think it really has to be. It said what it said well, and I believe that its probably personal as well. I say to keep up the work, you have a simple style with a simple charm and that's all that matters.
And so I'm slightly confused, mostly at the length of this. Why have you offered more for a review?
Anyhow, I'll be nice enough to do so. Its a short piece, most definitely personal. It shows that you are feeling both hopeless and hopeful, though stuck in one place. I can't honestly say there is nothing wrong, though I can't say there is anything great.
Whoa okay, this isn't too too bad but right off the bat it says 'they are being him up for his sexuality' which basically sums up the entire story and strips it of all the impact - there is no 'why are they doing this? why are they so cruel?' its just there, they are beating him up cause he likes men, and because of that I don't have to read the story because its right there - no need to continue on.
As well I don't understand the need to make it so much bigger, and blue? Were you trying to make it seem longer?
Hm, though its a good effort, keep up the good work!
This is most definitely prose, at first the format confused me but not in anyway does it draw away from how fantastically written it is. Though my only complaint is that if someone is speaking, how is it that captions could work within speech? Either way, its fantastic, and very well done. I have no idea why you are offering more GPs as if this isn't that great and your looking for serious changes on input, as this is a very good piece, as well as thought provoking.
Short but sweet, it lacks the feel of a epic, but I mention this because that is a good thing in this case - it can stay very much in your mind. I can very much imagine this on a tomb stone, forever being the mark of someone long dead and with this verse eternally embossed:
From out of dying embers
of where a fire had burned
a flame is being kindled
from that which I have learned.
I'm sorry your cat had passed away, and I feel this is a great tribute to your fallen comrade. It doesn't seem obsessive, which I appreciate, too many people put too much into their pets, and by too much I quite literally mean complete soul based dedication as if they will never die. You have shown that this care can be genuine and not a overwhelming obsession.
So I give my condolences for Germany's passing, and hope to see you here much more.
I honestly wish, and I know its selfish to say, that I had the opportunities that you do. I want to be a writer as well, and well nothing else will do, at least as no more then a means to get closer to that goal. So I have more to work towards then you, but I can say that being overwhelmed is a little too much, and I too have been betrayed by my mother who threw me out at a young age because I was 'depressing', though I can't see how a 11 year old is depressing.
I can fully agree with what your saying. Love has very much become too much of a self-involved idea that people will eventually obtain some fictional degree of perfection in a relationship. The reality is that nobody is perfect, and that we all will only find who we are looking for through overlooking others flaws and finding what makes them what they really are.
As well I agree that it has become too broad a term, and the word 'love' has almost completely replaced the words 'like' or 'interested'. Which is honestly a shame.
Great work, It was a great read to wake up to for me.
Okay, I'm going to say this very much interested me but you have SO much room to expand. It seems more like a plot for a bigger story, a very much bigger story with cynical characters and a gloomy setting. I did like what I read very much!
I like the simplified version more, what I had done to it beforehand made it something it wasn't meant to be - too descriptive for what it was, too complicated. This could be made proper, expanded, and made better but I'll leave that to its original creator to do, and that's you. I suggest you keep it as long as possible and do what you like with it.
Well I can say this is a very good piece, it kept my attention and it wasn't even close to the generics I'm used to. I was very pleased to see that it had a plot of sorts, I don't see this very often anymore.
I'd post more, however I can't quite think of anything terribly wrong with it, or that I don't personally like.
The last line honestly made me giggle, without it you've got a pretty solid poem on your hands, with it you've got more of a quote from a artsy comic. I can also say that punctuation wouldn't hurt a little.
I love you too, and you know I will hold you and I do care for you even despite my goofy and unpredictable exterior. I already enjoy the small adventures we have, and I love that we both love to explore the things that people take advantage of everyday like writing and seeing the gravestones - wondering just where the had been in the past and ll the fantastic things they possible could have done as well.
Here is to 2 Millennial periods ;D
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