Content: This is the great beginning of a story. Nice plot idea. I like how it's obviously influenced by Lord of the Rings, but still its own unique style.
Characters: The characters were great. Very believable and real-sounding. They all had their own very individual personalities.
Grammar/Vocabulary: As far as I could see, there weren't any grammar issues. Great job! And the vocabulary was excellent. You painted a great picture with the words.
Other: Just a little tip, but you should change the rating to probably 18+. Items rated ASR should have no swearing at all.
Overall, this story is great. I can't wait to read Part 2!
That was a pretty amazing piece. You used an incredible vocabulary and described everything so well it was like I was there. I liked the way you repeated the morning ritual scene when she grew up, too. Very good job!
lol I liked it. Twas pretty clever and witty, and I have to admit that I've found myself wondering the same things about other people as the main character. Thumbs up!
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