Once again I found that the story was good, but you need to proofread your work. This mistake was worse than the first chapter's. you seem to have missed at least one word in the sentence, "It was the first time she'd been in The Shop before, and it was an unnerving experience."
I like the set up. You've made interesting characters and filled in the backstory smoothly. The only problem I saw was in the grammer. When you had Athenais trace the scar over her eye, you used the singular. In the next sentence, you said that they were fake, indicating plural objects. (I know that I'm being picky, but I can't help it. My first job was as a proofreader and I never managed to get over it.)
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lleader
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 7:43am on May 16, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
