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9 Public Reviews Given
16 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review by Loralei
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I loved this story*Exclaim*

Each sentence weaves itself into the setting, time, and character development very nicely. Most of what cathces me as off, are spelling or unneccesary words.

This first sentence for instance: 'My hair was always kept covered, even as a very young child. It was kept tightly braided, secured into a heavy bun and covered with a cloth.' Because of your ending, this doesn't make sense. If she went to live with the grandmother, the word "always" wouldn't apply. Maybe something like, 'As a very young child, my hair was kept completely covered, at all times.'

In this sentence, 'I chopped wood until my hands were raw and bleeding, hoping to show him that I was worthy, even if I was a just a daughter, but no matter how hard I worked, I couldn't escape the prayers.' there are too many phrases. There should be a period after 'daughter' and a new sentence begun with with No matter how....

This is a great phrase for a little girl, as we assume Miriam to be, "..but in truth, I rocked the first time because my knees hurt."

Check carefully for mispelled words such as " ..my the Holy Spirit" I think you mean 'by the Holy Spirit'

This is a wonderful story and I wish you luck.

Lori

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Review by Loralei
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading this In and Out from beginning to end. In fact, I felt inclined to include my 'in'.

The format is excellent for noticing styles of writing, alliteration, synonyms, and everything in between.

It makes good use of creating the suspension of disbelief necessary for such a fantastic display of anthropomorphism.

Each author appears to be comfortable, in this setting, and is willing to explore new techniques as a means to understanding the writing craft.

My only concern is, if a person is not using correct punctuation or grammar does anyone let them know? It would help me to know if I made a mistake or could improve my effort in any way.

I am certainly going to spend more time on the In and Out Postings.
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Review by Loralei
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your information very helpful. Including specific factors as "internet etiquette" and "url listing on ebay" are useful and practical.
The use of color to separate paragraph text is appealing. This seems to ease the "work" of reading. Beginning with the basics, though commonplace, is handled well through verbiage that is not condescending.
Your ideas are creative and fun! The "what's in it for me" in tip #4 is out there for both the writer and writing.com. This comes accross naturally and without as a sales pitch.
Lastly, it is obvious to me that your sincere wish is for the success of each writer here.
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