L the silence of the Stars air breathing Silence of the soul and mind especially the stilling of the mind. Hope you will reciprocate by reading Silent Scream in my portfolio.
Good message fine rhymes lots of fun and dread as well. The verses seem somewhat incongruous. Keep writing. Hope you can read some of my offering as well.
I see the great emotion that is offered in this poem. I have issues with the anger in the poem. Nobody has possession of another human being and it
is wrong to think that you can control another person. Anger only makes us ill. If another person does you harm walk away not all humans are able to be caring. I'm glad however that you are able to vent that anger in a less provocative venue.
The idea of twins one loved the other inward is a great juxtaposition in order to show differences and the contrasts emitted. The only concept that i take
issue with is the ending. it is hard to perceive a father so cruel not to give his dieing son an ease into his death. Now that history has shown that the Vietnam war was provoked erroneously by Johnson Gulf of Tonken resolution and the consequences of that war brings doubt on who was right to go to volunteer for war. I rated this poem positively for the suspense that built up and the quality of the idea but not the premise. Keep up the writing.
hum some great images here such as "Ill rip off my face and throw it away". I'll kiss a corpse, give it my breath etc. You can't get more graphic than that. The one objection I have with the piece is its anger and no ability to lift the soul, so let there be peace.
Love's Token has some interesting aspects: a game of love which describes the disappointment of love more genuine and the rusted lock as a metaphor
for not able to be free in love. Although this is an emotional piece it lacks the uniqueness of the new. The best part of the poem is the forgiveness it shows in its last line.
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