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Review of God's Room  
Review by Jim Rae
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Great story. I can only suggest two things. 1) I feel the story would benefit from changing the pace at times. In the first two paragraphs i think you overdo the description of the snow. It is really great how you just say, he stabbed the old man', that has shock factor. The way you describe the environment made me think it would just be a survival against the odds sort of thing. However, when it comes around to recanting the actual stabbing, it seems rushed. I think it could use some more quick sentences of action. These sentences dont need many adjectives either....they are knife fighting on top of a cliff, it is epic enough. 2) I feel it would benefit by some back story inserted about the narrator. A great example of this is Ernest Hemingway's story called The Snows of Kilimanjaro. In this story, a man is dying from a leg infection, the whole story is him sitting there waiting to do. However, the only reason you care is because of the back story around the man. The same goes for your story; yes, it is epic that he is fighting for his life in the snow; yes, it is epic that he knife fights a dude; yes, it is epic that he sees the man in the flames. However, if we could relate to the character more, we would care more. Even a sentence here and a sentence there about his wife? father? mother? job? anything that adds a bit more dimension and fullness.

On the whole though, great story. When that man smiles at him and then tries to kill him, that is awesome.

oh, also, i was a bit confused at times as to whether the old man and Two Bears were the same person. If you are trying to avoid saying the same name too many times, i wouldnt worry about it. If they are different characters, my bad.
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