I really enjoyed your fun and lurid imagination. I always do. You're a master of surprise and the unexpected, working the reader up with such a small amount of time and space and then letting us go like a pebble in a slingshot. I had to laugh at your ending, like a naughty little boy who was caught inthe act of not being truthful. Your short stories are fun and enjoyable to read. Thanks for the entertainment.
Just wanted to let you know I stopped by and I enjoyed reading about your travels. I wish they were a little more personal though. You are indeed fortuante to have such a great job.
Very nice and a good exercise in descriptions which bring the reader into the scene. I almost felt like I was your cat for a moment. You also didn't hang on the part of the prey's end which I found very tasteful. It was dealt with delicately for us animal lovers. Good job.
I see much potential in your writing and your descriptive words help the reader to envision the scene. However, just a few things I found distracting: 1) Numerous grammatical errors. 2) The use of some abbreviations like "TA" for Transit Authority might be known only by locals. Readers from other areas of your scope might lose the flow of your sentence by trying to figure out what it means. Write for the general audience. 3) In the second paragraph, you use the words "heat" and "cool" too many times in a short space. Find other descriptions. I liked the middle to the end of your story the best because it got off the focus of the temperatures and gave me new sights and sounds to imagine. You have the power of the pen to evoke pictures in our minds, but most readers become bored quickly once they have the image settled in their brain. Keep us cativated and seeing through your eyes. Keep on writing and improving and entertaining us.
You are such a wonderful, descriptive writer. Your readers can surely travel with you anywhere you take them and the power is in your pen. You are also gifted with translating your emotions to others and you use it well. Again, recheck your work for grammatical errors, ie. left out words. Your work is always engrossing to me, and your talent is very evident.
That was wonderful, peekaboo! You have an amazing ability to clearly build the reader up from a calm, comfortable start to an agonizing expectation that leaves them dangling. I really believe you have a wonderful talent that will only grow as you write. The only small little things are some grammatical errors that are minor, ie. capitalizing "thanksgiving", and a comma that could be used between two consecutive adverbs or adjectives, and a tense change in the same sentence. Your style is excellent and your imagination wonderful. I always have enjoyed reading everything that you have written. Keep up the terrific work, please. I look forward to your new additions in your portfolio.
That was both powerful and riveting. I could easily picture the scene unfolding before my eyes which is necessary to retain my interest. I could feel my throat tightening as I read it and envisioned it, which is, for me, a sign of an author's power of the pen. Very good writing.
It has a flowing style in it and I was eager to follow the adventure. Your descriptive ability is great as far as the characters personalities and the surroundings. I would have liked to have read more about their appearances so I could get to know them and picture them in my mind. I could relate to their American standards of life, also, which you wove into the story well.
The ending was a little abrupt and caused a let down in me, but it had a good lesson and showed a triumph over self which was rewarding. Over all, you're writing style is relaxed, natural, and enables the reader to venture into the story. Good job.
Very good! I couldn't stop reading. You have the art of story telling in you, for sure, and you know right where to leave off to keep the reader hanging and wanting more. This was suspenseful and exciting. I only found one misspelled word, and that was the word "payed" should be paid. (All of her hard work was about to be paid off ..) Well written.
I am very pleased and surprised that you are making your stories into chapters. Keep up the good work..
This poem is so very romantic and evokes a soft, understanding emotion in me. Kind of a "been there, done that" type of feeling. It appears to be well excuted, also. I have to say, I did not see any gross errors in your grammatical execution, and it flowed smoothly so my train of thought was not broken.
Thank you for pulling at my heart strings a little. I could put myself into this one.
A very good story in poetic form and with a moral. It was well written with a an interesting twist. I stayed interested throughout the reading and was comfortable with the ending. I felt it contained good prose with imagination. Your words were descriptive and I found myself viewing the various scenes as if from a bird's eye view.
I really couldn't see much error in it anywhere and I am not well versed in poetry. I only know what I enjoy and not the grammatical rules involved.
I will definitely read and review more of your work. It's very interesting.
I enjoyed your story and your skill in telling it. You've shown good imagination and keep the reader interested in what is happening. The focus appeared to be on Lottie, yet I would have like to have been brought back to the original little girl to whom the bedtime story was being told by the end of the piece. That's just a thought on my part, however.
I did notice a misspelled word (malicious) and I might have used more commas here and there, but overall, I thought your use of grammar was pretty good.
I hope you will continue posting stories here as I enjoy your style and creativity.
That was very good and would make an excellent children's book with a few revisions. I enjoyed reading it and was kept interested throughout the entire story. However, I would have found it easier to read if there had been a space between paragraphs. and I found one grammatical error with the word "awoken". I think the word is awakened. Overall, this shows a very wonderful imagination and good story telling capabilities. I look forward to reading more of your work.
I firstly want to thank you for your review of Cujo's Peace and would like to welcome you to Writing.com. I know you will find this a fun and rewarding experience.
Your piece surprised me because of your creative talent. I really enjoyed reading it and thought it was a fresh intake on a much told story with a humorous thread wound into it. A bird's eye view taken literally.
There are two sentences I'd like you to review and that is the last two. I believe "by standing" should be one word, such as in bystanders. By separating the words, it gives a meaning that is difficult to follow. In the next sentence, I think the word "we" in front of God is a typographical error.
Overall, I enjoyed this and hope you put up many more items in your portfolio. Keep up the good work.
Very interesting and a smooth plot placed artfully in a short story. There's a hint of a mystery in the ending which I like. Nicely told. I'm thinking there might be a need for some paragraphing to make it easier to read and follow. You're a good story teller.
That was a great short story. I enjoyed reading it from Buster's point of view and there was enough detail to make the story complete although concise.
I'll be sure to check out more of your work.
That was very interesting and cute, but I was really surprised, since this was listed as nonfictional, that wherever you lived, a policeman would even hint at shooting a cow who was just standing there peacefully. I'm so glad Jenny solved the problem that she created by going with your father and loading herself into the truck. What a smart girl!
You bring to each of us the heartbreak of things beyond our control that drag at the wrong end of perfection. I shared the squeezed expectations and frayed nerves of hope drawn tight repeatedly, and yet always present. Hope; it is the gift of man not shared with animals. Thank you for bringing your story to the world. I'm very sure it will trip the familiar emotions dangling inside of so many who have been, are, and will be on a similar path and perhaps it will assist them in releasing the pent up pressures that come with the territory.
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