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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/magicbambi
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Review by Bambi-jay
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This looks like the start of a great novel. You draw the reader into the story easily and your characters stay consistent. It's refreshing to be introduced to characters who have distinct personalities of their own right down to the way they speak. Not a lot of writers are capable of keeping this up. The only thing I'll really say that you might need to work on is the tense that you're writing in. You need to be careful about flitting in between past and present tense. Throughout chapter one, you changed from past to present to past again a number of times. This is something you need to be aware of in the interests of consistency. Otherwise your writing will be come unpleasant to read. An example of this would be:

Ruby jumps up and high-fives the other officer.
He smiles back and sits down.
*Present tense

Then Ruby started walking out of the room. It was time for her to leave.
She waved once behind her before she shoved though the door.
*Past tense

The officer waves back.
*Present tense.
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