This is a very beautiful and highly creative work!
I like:
- How strong the imagery in this piece is... many people feel that imagery deals only with a picture or image but it can, and in your piece does, involve other senses.
- How you take the beauty of the scene and apply it to the tone... the tone of this poem is as beautiful as the scenario which it describes!
- That you have this poem seperated into stanzas.... not enough poets do that here.
- Your diction, pace, tone, and rhythm are all good.
I don't like:
- That your rhyme scheme is off slightly in line three.
- That you have innocence spelt incorrectly. (I'm really anal retentive when it comes to spelling and grammar)
You have a highly beautiful piece that shows your talent as a poet. Thank you for sharing this piece with the world and never stop writing.
This was a highly amusing piece! You did a great job with the farce here (no that's not a poorly aimed star wars reference!) it seems to me as if this piece is bordering on and perhaps just touching satire but I'm not quite sure. One thing is for sure however, this is extremely clever and witty.
I do however have one suggestion, you should not have the first character's lines bolded rather name the characters boy 1 an boy 2 or some other similar generic and have the name bolded with colons after them as this will make it easier to read. As you have it now the bolded lines attract your eyes to them, more than once I lost my place because of this.
Very interesting.... You did a marvellous job with the "cowboy dialect" been watching a lot of John Wayne films perhaps? (lol) You really did a great job here but I have one suggestion:
You do not need to repeat what is on the piece of paper... I would say don't have the audience see it... they wouldn't be able to see it if this was intended for an on-stage production as it'd be too small. It would be more than sufficent to just have him read it silently and then say what it says or to have him read it aloud.
Other than that you did a great job and I hope to see it complete in the future! Thank you for sharing this with us and remember never stop writing.
That was quite amusing! The grandmother ate a car and a window lol! Good job coming up with that... I don't know that I am creative enough to do it. There you go making me feel all nostalgic because I haven't done a madlib since I was like eight years old! Great job! Never stop writing!
This is quite well written though I do have some suggestions:
1) If possible break your poem up into stanzas this makes it easier to read and more pleasing visually.
2) Punctuation and capitalization would also make this easier to read.
3) You may want to elaborate a little more... It's kind of difficult to tell what exactly is going on.
To me, it seems as if this poem is about American soldiers in the middle east who become to comfortable where they are and end up getting attacked by a car/roadside bomb but at the same time it feels as if it could be about something else.
You are a talented writer this piece just (in my mind) needs a little work. Keep trying and never stop writing.
This is a beautiful poem! I must thank you for two things before I get on with my review:
1)For placing this Lilibonelle on here as I have never seen or heard of that form of poetry and it's quite lovely.
2)For sharing such a beautiful poem with us.
Now to get on with my review: I don't feel that it was necessary to bold the lines like you did... it draws the reader's eyes ahead to them and is somewhat distracting.
I love how you have the poem broken into stanzas far too often people forget to do that... I know that I have been guilty of it from time to time, myself.
Overall you have an extremely well written, well composed piece of poetry. Never stop writing.
This is quite a witty and clever piece! I love your use of old english to elaborate such a simple thing as losing socks during the laundry! Not many people now-a-days are capable of using old english so I have to give you props for that one! *gives GPs* You did a marvellous job, and you should never stop writing!
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