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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/margarita
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9 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Beach Lenses  
Review by Violetgirl
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is beautifully written. Your characters are unique and distinctive. You describe everything in such a way that, mixed with Sam's ever-logical reasoning, the story feels alive and real. However, I felt like this story would have been even better if you put more emphasis on the real conflict, which is not finding the dead man, but Sam's lack of ability to write, or create anything, his head "as empty as the great and lonesome sea..." You play at this in the beginning, when Sam tells about how he can't seem to write about anything, but I would have loved if this conflict had been hinted at even more throughout the piece. I also think that the beginning seems a bit out of place. Yes, it's a good lead-in to describing Sam's character, but I feel like object permanence isn't really a part of the story, so it doesn't make much sense for it to be featured like that in the beginning. Otherwise, I feel like this story is interesting and intriguing, and it was my pleasure to read it.
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Review by Violetgirl
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I love the metaphors you use in this piece and the images you create. I especially love how you describe the delicate beauty of the snowflakes, so often taken for granted. I also love how the man realizes that the fish is always looking up, and he is always looking down. However, some parts of this piece could use clarification. For example, in the third paragraph Amadeus keeps finishing his sentences with "mud." This is confusing to the reader. Perhaps if you used mud as a metaphor for something greater, this would make more sense. You also use the simile of a lover twice to describe the snow, and it sounds a bit repetitive. Still, I think that this story is beautiful, elegant and full of deep meaning. Great job!
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Review of Le Ballerina  
Review by Violetgirl
Rated: E | (4.0)
First of all, I really appreciate how well-written this piece is. Your writing is beautiful. I also felt like you made your characters feel real, which is important. I also love all the interesting words that you use. In addition, your descriptions helped the story to come alive. However, I felt like you do a lot of telling instead of showing. Cataline tells the reader so much about her life, instead of letting the reader figure pieces of it out themselves. For example, Cataline tells us that the girls are not allowed to show emotions except when they are dancing. However, the reader can see this simply because of the way you show the girls reacting to their situations. I also felt like the poem at the beginning didn't quite fit with the rest of the story. Cataline faints only because she is "lacking nutrition", not because she has a bigger problem as the poem implies. And finally, the last thing I think you could improve upon is your ending. It just seems so unlikely that Cataline, after fainting during her audition, would be chosen for the corps, since they are so selective. Perhaps you could have made this more realistic by having the judges decide to give Cataline another audition, to see how well she can normally dance. Despite these things, I felt like your story was beautifully written and was enjoyable to read.
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