Beautiful!
Another bagger more or less.
Well describe, well set plot, I cannot falter this one.
In this piece, I see well described, the thin line between man and animals.
The very present fact that both shall have their share of death, invariablly both end up in the earth.
The style in this lovely piece is clear and mature, I had to read it again.
It makes me ask the same question, 'are'nt we all baggers afterall?'
The use of words in this piece is well constructed and challenging.
Thumbs up Ben, I'm impressed.
You did a good job in bringing the reader into the mind of the patient, as most people are ignorant of how and what it really feels like to be mentaly unstable. This ability douses the ignorance I for one, had.
The tittle also was well selected, I could'nt think of anyone better.
Your style is subtle and fresh, relaxed, uncomplicated.
It draws out a lot of emotion from the reader, it made me in particular, wish I had a cure for this hidden illness.
Thanks for giving them a voice.
I particularly like that you were able to pass the message in this poem.
two people ment to be but never were...
the sparks never ignited for them...
wondering what might have been, if the gods were in their favour...
realy nice, an almost everyday encounter in a public bus, when our minds seem to roam...
I think tho, you are trying too hard to ryhme
which is not bringing out much maturity in the poem, which is kind of making it comlicated with words,
try to forget about rymes for a while, relax and just let the words flow...give them liberty...
Above all, i think your poem is fair and you have potential to improve.
I also particularly like you knowledge about the gods of love...
It informs me you are well read in literature, folk tales, to me that means you mean business when it come to your writing and you seek a lot of knowledge wich would help improve it.
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