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5 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Rimbo the Clown
Rated: E | (3.0)
I liked it a lot and everything seemed to check out. Only thing that bothered me was the no commas/periods. :P Bothers me, just my opinion. Another thing, though the words came off my tongue easily, it would help to know when to pause when saying, and when to halt. Though I prefer a rhyme scheme, though this didn't have one, I felt like it did. When you say it, it all works out. It's not one of those poems you read that skips around from point to point till you're about red in the face just trying to figure out what the heck went on. Your descriptions were crystal clear, and I could understand what was happening, when it was happening. :] Your grammar issues [periods and commas] can be worked out. Like I said, it helps to know when to pause and when to stop. Your spelling is fantastic. I didn't run it through the spell checker, but I think everything will be all good. :) -runs it through-
Elegent turns to elegant* there. And irresistable turns to irresistible** :] That's it. Did a very good job at it.

-If you want to talk more about this poem, just email me. I'm always here. Always looking for someone to to discuss their poem or pieces of work with. I love to help people with fresh ideas and the like. So, without any further ado, I bid you farewell. Keep writing!

-Michael G.
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Review by Rimbo the Clown
Rated: E | (3.5)
Deep. Very deep. You did an excellent jog, leave it the way it is. This poem is good in and of itself. Your grammar and spelling is excellent, I don't see any errors AT THE MOMENT.. Yeah.. Never mind. I wont find any. :3 Can't really grade poetry in the sense of: You didn't do a good job or you didn't do BLAH BLAH BLAH. I do poetry in my free time. Poetry is a sense of love and passion. I only say: "You might wanna add ...." Whatever. But with yours, it seems to be just perfect. No rhyme scheme at all, but somehow it has it's own bounce to it. Rolls off the tongue well. The ending is really good. This, I believe you are telling us, is you. Perhaps inside. The question is, do you see yourself like this, or do you see someone else like this. Does he choose it, or does he think so blatantly of it that he doesn't realize. Just deep questions to ponder, nothing to add. Another thing to think about is: Why is he an outcast. Why does he choose to be an outcast. Does this make him happy or sad. Does this make his family happy or sad. How does being an outcast affect his life.

- If you have any more questions, just email me. :] Don't be a stranger. I always enjoy helping people. Come back to me if you have thought about these ideas. Perhaps tell me of them. Discussion is always good. Keep writing. I would love to hear more. Keep me posted!

-Michael G.
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Review of Chapter One  
Review by Rimbo the Clown
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Excellent, I loved it. The beginning was a little jerky for me emotionally ONLY because I went through that with my own parents. Though my dad wasn't as bad, and my mom was pretty nasty herself, it was still a little confusing for me.. Then again I was only 7. Anyway, onto your grading. I have you 4 starts because you write beautifully, and have excellent grammar. Though I am no king, I did see a few grammatical errors that you had. Just a few. You also used a few cliches. Don't use them. :P They are evil and the bane of all writing when it comes to good literature. This plot seems to thicken as it goes, and is very interesting. I actually liked it a lot. Went well with your descriptions and everything. By the way, you are excellent at description. I could envision everything you said, down to the cracked floorboards. The flow of the words was really good, and it carried the book a long smoothly. You spoke through your pen [in the diary that is] as if you were a 15 year old girl. I have no clue how old you are, therefor say it was really good. The characters are well thought out, but you might want to work on your moms character and Rachel. Your dad, if you wont use him anymore, not so much. Though your character is very well thought out. Just by her diary clippings I can tell what she looks for in a house, what she looks at, what she does. I need a little bit more detail on where she lives, only got: She lived in the midwest, in the middle of nowhere. Just flush it out a little. :] You're a good writer, I know you can do it. Hmm.. If you want anymore hard core detail, just email me. I will be glad to help in any way I can. I want you to be successful and really straightforward with this. You can do it. And even if I am the only one who says this, still keep it in mind. Finish this story, I know you can.
-Best of luck, Michael.

[I sent you 100 gift points, just to say "Good Job!" :P It's better than a sticker at the dentists. XD Email me with any questions.]
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