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7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Nemesis  
Review by Mike T. Clark
Rated: E | (4.0)
After a bit of dialogue you should put a comma at the end when the next line expresses who said it and how. For example, "Sorry," he replied with a shrug of his broad shoulders, ...

I feel like it could do with a bit more confrontation between the two. Clearly Waggoner wants Scorpio leave, but she wants to apprehend him, so maybe a few more waste-basket like lines, where she tries to get closer.

Also a minor note, why is she pushing a 'laundry cart' is that what you guys call a rubbish trolley is America?

And is she a particularly large and strong woman or does she have super-human strength? I feel that should be defined.

But in all it flowed well.
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Review by Mike T. Clark
Rated: E | (2.0)
You have a lot of dialogue but not much description of what is going on. Same for the characters, what do they look like? How do I imagine them? Also, what is the protagonist's name?

And I would suggest you do it in past tense as it is first person narrative. If you want present tense use third person. Otherwise it's like they're narrating their life as it happens, when really you want to be as if something has happened in their life and they wish to tell the tale, and the reader is listening as they tell it. It also is a bit confusing because it is as if he is predicting his life at the beginning.
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Review by Mike T. Clark
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Just a small grammar mistake 'She couldn't stop [him] taking her trophy...'

But in all I liked it. I used to watch this show when I was younger so I find the nostalgia rushing back, and indeed you captured the feeling when watching the show.
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