Hello Miss Chevious!! Thank you for sharing your work with me, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your words! Keep in mind, I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. At the end of the day, do what you feel is right for your writing! Any suggestion I make is done with love and a desire to simply help you become the best writer you can be.
I did notice quite a few grammatical errors in your writing. I suggest going back over your writing with a fine tooth comb and remember to edit, edit, edit!
Some (not all) mistakes:
"When we hung out for the first time He made.." ---> he should not be capitalized.
"I knew tho, in the back of my mind I knew" ---> I knew though*, in the back of my mind,* I knew.
"He confessed his love fast." ---> He quickly confessed his love.
"back with an I love you." --> back with an, "I love you."
"But did I truly love him?" ---> A sentence cannot begin with a conjunction.
"and he said them at the right time." ----> He said all the right things, at the right time.
"or my feelings he changed" ---> my feelings, he changed
"never mine," ---> mine.
"stories never mine" ---> stories, never
"never listened when I talked" ---> when I spoke
"Right so what he had was what?" ---> not a proper sentence.
"Come on dude" ---> Come on, dude.
"the bad ,and the" ---> bad, and
"the good, the bad ,and the ugly and you" ----> the good, the bad, and the ugly. You
et cetera...
I did notice some spelling mistakes. Specifically, "tho" is spelled though.
I suggest going back through your writing with a thesaurus, they are our best friend! Avoid boring, dull language. Get rid of overused words! It would truly improve your writing to spruce up the wording a bit.
Examples of sentence reconstructing:
you wrote: "When we hung out for the first time the attraction was there." You could say something such as: The first time we we're together, our chemistry was evident. and then go into detail how but using the SHOW DON'T TELL method.
The characters we're believable but as a reader I want to know details, descriptions. I want to be able to picture who I'm reading about.
What I liked most about your writing was you could tell it was personal.
What I liked least about it was there was a ton of short sentences, such as: "Something new." and "Getting to know him." First of all, a sentence cannot consist only of - getting to know him, wanting to know him. Those are not proper sentences. I suggest adding to your sentences, get more descriptive.
What stood out to me was a lot, lot, lot of mistakes.
You held my attention from the first sentence until the very end.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
|
|